But he made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant...

Once again it is Saturday morning and the kids woke up far too early in my opinion. But as Kevin and I drug ourselves out of bed to get them some breakfast, Kevin informed me that this morning he wanted me to take some time for myself. "Get out of the house. Go spend some time with the Lord. Just be alone for awhile." I shook my head, reminding him that I had to get the laundry done before we left for our nephew's football game. He then assured me that he would do the laundry and that I was to go ahead and take my "sabbath."

The other day in class, as we took some time to encourage one another, one girl commented on how she has really been blessed by watching Kevin and me together. She especially noted how Kevin is such a servant leader and how he seems to have such a genuine care for me and our children. I couldn't have agreed more!

In January of this year, the Lord strongly impressed upon my heart how important it is for me to be praying for me husband. As I battled the tendency to try to "fix" him myself, I fought to keep my mouth shut and take my concerns to the Lord. As the year has gone by I have been completely amazed at the difference I have seen in his character. What a mighty God we serve!!! I am so humbled to be the recipient of Kevin's genuine attitude of a servant. It has been so evident in his role as a father also.

One day as I was reading through Proverbs, I read outloud Proverbs 15:1, "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Ever since that day, I have quite frequently heard Kevin quoting that verse as we struggle with one or both of the kids. How true it is that "ALL SCRIPTURE is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work."

As I thought about all that the Lord has been doing in our lives as a family, I was drawn to read from Philippians today. What a beautiful picture of the work that Christ has done for us! Once again, I am reminded of the perfect model we have set before us. And to think that "he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Christ Jesus." What a promise! I can never express the joy I have in knowing that Christ will never give up on me. He will continue to work in my life until I reach holiness in his presence.

As the Lord continues to teach me much about depending on him through prayer, I want to close with this verse , "But as for me, my prayer is to you, O Lord. At an acceptable time, O God, in the abundance of your steadfast love answer me in your saving faithfulness." -Psalm 69:13

Missed Opportunity

This past week we had a friend over for lunch who I know is not a believer. I have been praying for him for years now, and I long to see the Lord soften his heart. Every time we are together I pray that I will have an opportunity to share the gospel with him, but I never seem to find the right time.

As our last class before lunch was closing with prayer, I quickly requested that we pray for our lunch with this friend who was coming over. As John prayed, he asked the Lord to miraculously bring about the opportunity for us to share about Jesus Christ. As he was praying, I found myself thinking, hmm, how wonderful that would be. But I don't think it will happen.

Well, we went home and got lunch on the table. We enjoyed the conversation but as I suspected we talked about the same things we always do: work, football, and stories from when he was younger. I love talking to him about those things, but I was disappointed that God had not answered our prayer the way we wanted, or so I thought.

The next day I was spending some time reading 2 Corinthians and praying as I read it. As I meditated on that Scripture, the Lord brought to mind our lunch conversation from the previous day. I remembered that in the midst of one of his stories, our friend had mentioned that he was baptized in the Catholic church but he didn't even know why. He wasn't Catholic.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that that statement had been the open door for me to share Christ with this man. I was so humbled as I realized my lack of faith as well as the opportunity I had missed to share about our Lord. I continued in prayer asking God to forgive me for not trusting that he would provide the opportunity and for not being ready when the time came. I then asked for wisdom to recognize the opportunity the next time it comes up.

I am so thankful that the Lord does not depend on such a weak person (me) to bring his gospel to the world. Yet, I am completely humbled at the fact that God chooses to use me in my weakness as an instrument for his glory.

I don't understand myself...But God is faithful.

Occasionally I go through a period of time where I feel very discouraged, without understanding why or what is causing me to feel that way. That is the case today. I feel like crying over things that normally wouldn't bother me one bit, and I am frustrated that I cannot explain my feelings to anyone as I cannot understand them myself. As I sat and began to wait on the Lord to speak to me today, a passage in Lamentations caught my eye.

But this I call to mind, and THEREFORE I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning great is your faithfulness. "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him." The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord...For the Lord will not cast off forever, but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love; for he does not willingly afflict or grieve the children of men. Lamentations 3:21-26;31-33

What a beautiful truth in the face of feeling so unsure of myself! My emotions are so random and difficult to understand, but I can hope in the Lord. I can trust in the fact that no matter what I feel, he is faithful.

Settling In Yet Again- What a Privilege!

After 28 hours (due to flooded roads and traveling with children) the 7 of us who had crammed in the van along with all our "stuff," are now safely back in Texas. We arrived Tuesday night and moved onto campus in Edinburg Wednesday morning. This week has included unpacking again, adjusting to the heat (100 degrees every day), and settling into our new apartment. I think we are actually getting pretty good at this whole moving thing. I would hope so anyway since we have moved 4 times in the last year.

As I was walking across campus this morning, I was struck by the uniqueness of this community we will call home for the next 5 months. I began to envision how the first Christians would have lived together. Acts 4:32 reads, "Now the full number of those who believed were of one heart and soul, and no one said that any of the things that belonged to him was his own, but they had everything in common... (34) There was not a needy person among them." Upon moving in, we were able to go to the "bodega" (a building filled with household items, small appliances, kitchen supplies, towels, sheets, curtains, etc.) to choose all that we needed for our apartment. There is also a warehouse filled with furniture to add to your apartment if you desire. After we finish here at school we will return all that we have taken for the next person who needs to use it. Just a few minutes walk from our apartment is a building called the "botique" filled with food. Many stores in the area donate canned goods, fresh fruit and vegetables, beans, rice, potatoes, bread, etc. free for all students and faculty here on campus. The other day a man drove up to our apartment with fresh bread from a bakery nearby and just the day before he had delivered a box filled with several packages of spaghetti noodles, cans of sauce, pastries, tuna, and bread. There is also another building across campus where volunteers come in to sew and/or fix any clothing that you have. It is also a free service provided for all those attending the school. Everyone is welcoming and eager to serve in any way they can. What a joy to be a part of a community like this!

We are so excited to be here on campus and start classes. I know that this time will be packed with studying and homework in addition to maintaining the house and caring for our family, but we are going to cherish it! We have already built some great relationships here, and we are excited to see how God continues to nurture those. I am so grateful for this opportunity to be here, studying in order that we might take the Gospel to the nations. What a mighty God we serve! To think that he has brought us here, fully supported by those who have a passion for His work in order that we might be trained to effectively reach Spanish-speakers with the Gospel!!!

Am I willing? Am I ready?

These last few months, Kevin and I have been spending time in fasting and prayer as we continue to seek the Lord's direction for our lives following language school. As we are now half way through the summer, we are both sensing the Lord directing us toward a position overseas. Thinking about moving to a new country always gets me excited, and yet I wonder, am I ready? Sure I am eager to be where God wants us, but I am also nervous about letting go of where I am comfortable. On my first trip overseas, I remember asking my dad's cousin Heidi how she was able to let go of her family and move so far away. She told me that she had to focus on her husband and children as her family now, and she knew that God had called her to serve him in Peru. Because of that calling and seeing the fruit of God's Word in people's lives, she was assured that any "sacrifice" that she had made was more than worth it. I was encouraged by her response, and yet it seemed unbearable for me to think about leaving my family, celebrating holidays and special occasions together, and the everyday moments that I cherish. I have continued to wrestle with that reality as I see God's calling becoming more clear. My husband continually challenges me to prepare myself to "count the cost" as we seek to follow Christ together. As I think about how I would adjust to such a different life, I am faced with the question of how much am I really willing to give up to follow Christ. I am reminded of the verse in Matthew 19:29 that reads, "And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for my names sake, will receive a hundredfold and will inherit eternal life." I know that God is calling me to let go of my life here in Minnesota that I may follow Him unconditionally. Now am I willing to follow? Am I ready to follow that calling? Again I find it easy to say, "sure, I am ready and willing." But now I am faced with the fact that Micah and Alicia will not see their grandparents very often. I will not have my parents around to encourage me. I will not be celebrating Christmas with snow and hot chocolate. Are these things more important to me than following my Lord and Savior without any conditions? Am I really willing to put it all in his hands and let go, allowing him to be in complete control? Like the Apostle Paul I am constantly arguing with myself. "For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing" (Romans 7:18-19).

Lord, give me the strength to follow you unconditionally, to surrender all to you, knowing that sharing the gospel with the nations is worth every bit of the "cost" you have called me to pay.

Who am I created to be?

God, what do you want me to do with all these thoughts and desires you have placed on my heart?

I want so much to serve you with the unique gifts you have given me but I don't know how to set aside time when I have piles of laundry, dirty dishes in the sink, kids that need attention, and a longing to meet the standards of everyone who looks my way. I long for a frequent and consistent time where I can be alone just to write notes to people, sit and think about my life, my husband, and my children, plan or brainstorm for things you place on my heart, dream about the future, write about what you are teaching me, and so much more. But I don’t know how that fits in with the 24/7 fulltime responsibility of being a mom of two little ones and wife to Kevin.

Recently I have been reading a book called Momology: A Mom's Guide to shaping great kids. It has been an excellent resource and encouragement to me as it has helped me to study who God has created me to be and how he has uniquely designed me to love and serve Kevin, Micah, and Alicia. Today I took a temperament test, and the results really surprised me. Here is a bit of how they described my personality type:

"At work [in my home] Protectors are seldom happy in situations where the rules are constantly changing, or where long-established ways of doing things are not respected. For their part, Protectors value tradition, both in the culture and in their family...Their reserve ought really to be seen as an expression of their sincerity and seriousness of purpose. The most diligent of all the types, Protectors are willing to work long, hard hours quietly doing all the thankless jobs that others manage to avoid. Protectors are quite happy working alone; in fact, in positions of authority they may try to do everything themselves rather than direct others to get the job done. Thoroughness and frugality are also virtues for them. When Protectors undertake a task, they will complete it if humanly possible. They also know better than any other type the value of a dollar, and they abhor the squandering or misuse of money. To save, to put something aside against an unpredictable future, to prepare for emergencies-these are actions near and dear to the Protector's heart."

I found this to be very interesting as I applied it to my own job (at home) and in the way I express myself and my values. I think that because I love people, I want to serve others first! I always desire to meet the needs of my children and husband before considering anything else. But I am beginning to see how I get drained from being with people all the time. My body is ALWAYS refreshed when I have time away from everyone and everything just to think, pray, read, and write. I love pouring my thoughts out on paper rather than jumping into a crown of people to forget about all my responsibilities. My husband, however, gets refreshed by being with people (crying babies don't count). So just exactly how does this work? How do we both manage to stay refreshed and on top of the tasks placed before us when we are made so differently?

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts;

And see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way."

Psalm 139:23-24 (NASB)

The HEAT!

I honestly cannot believe how drastically different the weather can be in different parts of the country. Today was not the typical cool April day I am used to with the last bits of snow melting in our yard. Instead, the temperature rose to a scorching 101 degrees. Though he was covered in sweat as the sun beat down intensely, Micah hardly seemed to notice the heat as he jumped excitedly with his mommy on the trampoline. I decided today was a good day for some water fun. So I began spraying Micah with the hose. It felt WONDERFUL! He enjoyed every moment, getting soaked from head to toe. What a joy to experience things with my son, who never seems to complain about the things we can't control (like the weather). Rather, he enjoys the day for whatever it may bring!

Nothing lasts forever...

Well, Micah recently experienced a small taste of the reality that nothing lasts forever in this life. As he is quickly approaching 2 1/2, I felt that it was time for him to give up the pacifier (not any too soon I might add). He has started becoming very attached and whiny when he doesn't have it. So this past week I called my mom and asked her how she got us to give it up. She actually referred me to her mother's plan, which I thought was a great one. So Thursday afternoon, after waking up from his nap we all took Micah outside to the big garbage can and HE threw his Nuk away. At first he wasn't to sure about it, but after a slight hesitation he tossed it in. We all cheered and handed him a large Toy Story Coloring Book that Nana had brought him. Then we went out for ice cream all the while telling him what a big boy he was. : ) He thoroughly enjoyed the evening. When it was time to go to bed he asked for his Nuk, just as I figured he would. I reminded him that he was a big boy now and he had thrown it away. His eyes looked sad but he cuddled in to his blankie and remarked, "I threw it." We then prayed and sang together until he was ready to head to sleep. After tossing and turning for about an hour he finally fell asleep. Hurray! And he is doing great without it!

1 Corinthians 15:54-57

When the perishable puts on the imperishable and the mortal puts on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written:

"Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?" The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Where O Death is Your Sting?

In the past two months, God has drawn my thoughts to the reality of life and death in this world. With the passing of my Grandma, I began to think about all that she did in this life and the impact she made in my life. Though she did not do anything that most would deem "amazing," her life was a living testimony of what it means to serve the Lord faithfully.

Just five weeks after Grandma died, my grandpa (her husband) passed away as well. Grandpa's death was so unexpected and so soon after losing Grandma. The phone call from my dad shocked me and the tears poured. I couldn't believe he was gone. Watching my parents, aunts, and uncles process this huge loss has taught me much about grieving. On a cold March day, we drove out to the military cemetery to say our final goodbyes to Grandpa. I had never experience anything like this before. They laid the flag over the casket, three rifle shots were fired, and the trumpet began to play. The flag was removed, folded and placed in the hands of my Uncle John. The woman thanked him on behalf of the President and the United States Military. As everyone quietly said their goodbyes, I turned to see my own father standing next to the casket of his father, eyes tightly shut, and tears streaming down his face. I had never seen my dad cry like that, and I could not imagine having to say goodbye to him. I will not soon forget that moment!

The days and weeks to follow have been filled with clearing out the house, seeing that all of Grandma and Grandpa's things are dispersed appropriately. What a blessing that their has been no fighting or demanding of things as the family works through this. I have been so blessed to see how peaceably and selflessly the process has gone.

Just two and a half weeks after Grandpa's death, my Uncle Bill (my mom's sister's husband) passed away from colon cancer. He was only 52. My dear cousins who are my age and younger have just lost their father as well. It pained me not to be able to be there with them during this time. I know however, that the Lord's grace and comfort is surrounding them right now.

As I continued to process these three deaths, a young girl (12 years old) who I worked with in the Youth Center in MN died from cancer. She was just diagnosed in January. And then this past Saturday, my great uncle (also on my father's side) had a heart attack and passed away. He had just flown to MN by himself at the age of 87 for my Grandpa's funeral. As soon as he saw me, he asked how Texas and learning Spanish was going. I couldn't believe his good memory. It was such a joy to talk with him, and he was joking around with us like always. Having seen him so recently, it seems so unreal that he is with the Lord now as well.

As my thoughts dwell on these losses, I can only praise God for the grace he has shown in the HOPE we have in him. I cannot imagine losing so much in this life without the Hope of eternity so prevalent in my mind. As the memories of these loved ones come to mind, I thank God for the time I had with them, realizing that this life is short and each day together is precious.

The New York Times published an article/obituary about my Uncle Bill stating that he found hope in a single passage of the Book of Job. "You will call and I will answer," Job says. "You will long for the creature your hands have made." The article closed by quoting this statement from Uncle Bill: "The concept that God longs for the likes of me is so unbelievably sweet."

God has created each of us so uniquely, calling us to live out who we are in Him for His glory. This has been so beautifully displayed in the lives of all these precious members of my family. Now I rejoice that the Lord has called them home to rest with him in glory!

His mercies are new every morning...

Packing. Throwing. Sorting. Moving. CHANGE! New places, new people, new neighborhood, new weather, new culture, new language. Unpacking and trying to settle in. Meeting new people all the time. The loss of loved ones. Traveling. Readjusting. All this, plus two little ones can be exhausting. I have never been very good at adapting to change. Initially, I tend to get very excited about anything new; but when it actually comes, I find myself wishing for the past. Or looking ahead to whatever comes next.

So many changes at once have also put extra tension on me and Kevin during the past two and half months. (And I share this story with his permission). This past weekend Kevin and I seemed to disagree about everything. We couldn't communicate anything we were thinking without getting mad or hurting one another. The day was miserable and I shed lots of tears. But those tears drove me to my knees in prayer. I laid everything before the Lord, asking him to show me MY sin and to help me forgive Kevin. As Kevin joined me, we prayed together and were able to calmly discuss everything that had gone wrong. When I commented how much I hate fighting, Kevin reminded me of a TRUTH that we were taught in a small group on Peacemaking. Conflict is an opportunity. Rather than running from it, we can use is as a chance to love and forgive one another as Christ loves us!

God continues to teach me that DEPENDING on Him is the only way to live this life.

Not my plan. Not my schedule.

Since I got back from Minnesota, I have been constantly working to get back into a schedule with the kids and caught up on rest. I can't believe how long it has taken to get back into the swing of things.

This morning Kevin and I had the opportunity to share with Rio Life Community Church (Kevin's home church) our passion for reaching Hispanics with the Gospel. One of the most valuable lessons I have been learning is that God does not work on my schedule or according to my plan. This continues to be evident every day as the Lord places "inconveniences" before me. I am slowly realizing that what I might consider an inconvenience is exactly the thing God wants me to focus on. A wonderful example of this occurred just yesterday when I went to the library for some time alone with the Lord. After a very tiring week with the kids (due to lots of running around and missed naps) I was desperately in need of some rest. Kevin and I had planned that I would take a Sabbath on Saturday morning for a few hours. When I arrived at the library it was not yet open so I decided to sit outside and read under a tree. Only a few minutes after sitting down, a car drove up and a young girl got out. Sitting down next to me, she began sharing her life's problems with me. The first thing that went through my head was, "WHY LORD? WHY NOW. I just need to be alone with you. " But he gently prompted me to talk to this girl, showing me that she needed him as much as I do! I quietly closed the computer and prayed that the Lord would change my attitude. Then I began to share the gospel with her. We talked for some time before I had to go. Even though I can't change anyone's heart, God only asks that I be faithful to share the Gospel. He is the one who changes lives in his perfect timing!

Finishing Well

The past four years have brought much change in the life of my Grandma. She has struggled with cancer, battling through without a complaint. This fall brought new complications and Grandma continued to get weaker. As we prepared to move to Texas, I realized that I may not see my grandma many more times in this life. Thanksgiving Day as we sat around the living room, Grandpa was at the piano and the room was filled with joyful singing of Thanksgiving hymns. I sat across from Grandma, watching her intently as we sang. My eyes filled with tears as the words barely escaped my mouth...Thanks for times now but a memory, Thanks for Jesus by my side! I knew as I watched her, that this would probably be the last day I would ever see my Grandma in this life. Grandma managed to somehow make it through the holidays, but Mom and Dad's trips to the cities were getting more frequent as January came. Last week after leaving Grandma's house, mom called and told me it might be a good time to give Grandma a call or write her a letter. As soon as I hung up the phone I called Grandma. When she answered her voice was sweeter and more at peace than I had heard in a long time. We talked for a few moments before she began to sound tired. I said goodbye, thankful to hear my Grandma's voice again. That night she got very sick and was taken to the hospital the next morning. I then wrote her the following note.

Dear Grandma,

I don't know if you will get this, but I wanted to write you and let you know how much I love you. I was so glad to hear your cheerful voice last night on the phone even though I know you weren't feeling well. I was very sorry to hear that you had a painful night of throwing up. When you commented on the phone that you "fear you are only a shadow of who you used to be," I began thinking about all the memories I have with you. I can never tell you enough how your life has been such a great example to me. You are constantly serving others and never do I hear you complain about anything. Even now as you have been sick for four years, you have continued to be gracious and faithful in loving and serving everyone around you. I will always cherish the memories I have of you reading stories to me and singing Children of the Heavenly Father to me as I fell asleep. You always made the best peanut butter sandwiches cut in four triangles and you never failed to have vanilla yogurt there for me when I came for a visit. Everything always seemed better at grandma's. From the time I was little, your life has been an example to me of how to live in a way that blesses those around you and brings glory to God. I am reminded of this summer at the reunion when Lisa Madera shared about finishing well. As I think about those who have gone ahead, I am reminded of the verse in Hebrews that says, "Therefore since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." You have modeled beautifully how to live life as a faithful servant of the Lord, and now you modeling for me how to finish well. I sure wish I could be there with you right now to tell you this in person. You are such a wonderful Grandma and I am going to miss you so much! Love, Bekah

Thursday evening, January 20, Grandma went to be with the Lord. She has given me many treasures to hold on to, and now that she is with her Savior, I am experiencing the truth of the words she sang to me so many times...

Children of the Heavenly Father
Safely in His bosom gather
Nestling bird nor star in heaven
Such a refuge e’er was given

God His own doth tend and nourish

In His holy courts they flourish

From all evil things He spares them

In His mighty arms He bears them.

Neither life nor death shall ever

From the Lord His children sever

Unto them His grace He showeth

And their sorrows all He knoweth.

Though He giveth or He taketh

God His children ne'er forsaketh

His the loving purpose solely

To preserve them pure and holy

Praise the Lord in joyful numbers
Your Protector never slumbers
At the will of your Defender
Ev’ry foe man must surrender.

Thank you, Grandma! I love you!

My Mission Field

This morning as I read about Hannah and the trials she went through as a wife and mother, I was once again overwhelmed with the blessings I have been given in my husband and children. Micah is now 2 and a sponge for all the world can offer. I continue to be amazed at the new words and phrases added to his vocabulary each day. Alicia's growth is obvious to us all as she not only fills up her sleepers completely but she has found her voice! She LOVES to tell the world all her stories loudly. She also has conquered the task of rolling from her back to her tummy, almost making it onto the hard tile before mommy noticed. Kevin, also, is filled with news for me when he gets home from school. He is eager to share all that he is learning, and I am amazed at his progress after only 3 days of classes. Last night he prayed in Spanish before supper. As this week has progressed, I have enjoyed the beginning of a new season that allows for more routine in our lives. However, I can tell already that it may be easy for me to do one of two things: hide out here at home, never building relationships with others; or get antsy and annoyed at the fact that I have to be home with two needy children all the time. I am thankful that the Lord has helped me to see these temptations early on. I must develop a good balance in my involvement outside the home and my contentment of being home. As I spent the morning holding Alicia and playing with Micah, my thoughts began to dwell on this role of motherhood. There is no doubt in my mind that my mission field is right here in my own home. Because of the young age of our children, it is easy to forgot this truth during this season of life. During the time of Hannah, Israel's spiritual leaders fell into great sin, using the tabernacle for the own sinful pleasures. Knowing the need for a godly man to take leadership, the Lord allowed Hannah to conceive and give birth to Samuel. He used Hannah in a mighty way to bring Israel the leader they needed. Hannah's faithfulness in serving the Lord with her life allowed God to use her mightily in her role as wife and mother. I, too, desire to be faithful each day of my life so that the Lord may use me for his purposes.