These last few months, Kevin and I have been spending time in fasting and prayer as we continue to seek the Lord's direction for our lives following language school. As we are now half way through the summer, we are both sensing the Lord directing us toward a position overseas. Thinking about moving to a new country always gets me excited, and yet I wonder, am I ready? Sure I am eager to be where God wants us, but I am also nervous about letting go of where I am comfortable. On my first trip overseas, I remember asking my dad's cousin Heidi how she was able to let go of her family and move so far away. She told me that she had to focus on her husband and children as her family now, and she knew that God had called her to serve him in Peru. Because of that calling and seeing the fruit of God's Word in people's lives, she was assured that any "sacrifice" that she had made was more than worth it. I was encouraged by her response, and yet it seemed unbearable for me to think about leaving my family, celebrating holidays and special occasions together, and the everyday moments that I cherish. I have continued to wrestle with that reality as I see God's calling becoming more clear. My husband continually challenges me to prepare myself to "count the cost" as we seek to follow Christ together. As I think about how I would adjust to such a different life, I am faced with the question of how much am I really willing to give up to follow Christ. I am reminded of the verse in Matthew 19:29 that reads, "And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for my names sake, will receive a hundredfold and will inherit eternal life." I know that God is calling me to let go of my life here in Minnesota that I may follow Him unconditionally. Now am I willing to follow? Am I ready to follow that calling? Again I find it easy to say, "sure, I am ready and willing." But now I am faced with the fact that Micah and Alicia will not see their grandparents very often. I will not have my parents around to encourage me. I will not be celebrating Christmas with snow and hot chocolate. Are these things more important to me than following my Lord and Savior without any conditions? Am I really willing to put it all in his hands and let go, allowing him to be in complete control? Like the Apostle Paul I am constantly arguing with myself. "For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing" (Romans 7:18-19).
Lord, give me the strength to follow you unconditionally, to surrender all to you, knowing that sharing the gospel with the nations is worth every bit of the "cost" you have called me to pay.
