An Overwhelming Task

In the past month, I have felt more and more overwhelmed with my responsibilities as a mother/wife/homemaker/etc. Many days I feel discouraged, frustrated, and alone. We have been on the road which adds to the craziness. Upon our return, my thoughts are consumed with questions and concerns about preparing to move Paraguay. Constant fatigue, headaches, and dizziness are a clear sign to me that my body in exhausted.

The past fews days my temper has raged and the word "no" seems to constantly be on my tongue. Micah has been begging for "someone to play with," and he seems bored with any other suggestion I have. In exploring the option of preschool for him, I have mixed feelings of excitement and guilt.

Once again last night, Kevin could see the strain in my eyes as I battled the kids to go to sleep. It was then already past 9 and only Lydia was down for the night. The kitchen sink was piled high, and I have yet to unpack from our trip. Kevin graciously hugged me as he commented, "You go on to bed. I'm taking tomorrow off so you can have a day away to rest." I was again blown away by this expression of love for me. When I am struggling the most, Kevin always reminds me, "Our children are clean, they are fed, they have clothes to wear, they are safe, and they know that they have a mother who loves them." In this way, He ever so gently shows me that no matter how inadequate I feel, the Lord is faithful. My God will strengthen and protect me from the evil one.

In my Bible reading this morning, the Lord impressed this verse upon my heart.
"I thank him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because he judged me faithful, appointing me to his service..." 1 Timothy 1:12

Paul had a task set before him that he could not do alone. I, too, amidst the screaming, laughing, crying, and pleading of my every day life feel helplessly lacking. But as I meditated on this verse, I was reminded once again of the source of my strength, Christ Jesus our Lord. Because he has judged me faithful, he appointed me to his service in my primary task of raising our three children. WOW! How humbling to think that the God of this universe has entrusted me with his most precious creation. I am to train and care for them, modeling a life of faith and teaching them to love and serve him as Lord and Savior.

What a daunting responsibility! And yet to think that God knew even before he created me that he was preparing me for this task. He knows my weaknesses. He knows what I can handle. And he is my source of strength for each new day. What a relief to know that the salvation of my children does not rest on my shoulders, but solely in the hands of the almighty God. Praise the LORD!

A Quiet Hour

As the moments for writing are far and few between these days, I am blessed to have an hour of quiet this morning. My little Lydia and I are here alone awaiting the moment that the door will burst open and my two bubbly children will bolt through the door with noise and energy. But for now, I am resting as I  meditate on the Words of my Father, the God of Peace, and his love for me. What a treasure! I simply cannot describe how He renews me in the calmness of quiet.

As I look at my sweet honey lying next to me, how can I express the JOY that fills me. She is truly a delight! Kevin looked up the meaning of her name yesterday and it read "noble, gentle, and peaceful."  Every word of that definition is true of our little Lydia!

Well, the hour of quiet is gone and my spunky and adorable Alicia is now pulling on my hand. I am refreshed and I am BLESSED!

Saying goodbye once again

Since the arrival of our third child, my life has seemed like a bit of a blur. As my body healed from the delivery and we adjusted to the 5^th member of our family, we have continued to feel an urgency to raise the support we need to be in Paraguay by October. But the Lord has continually reminded me to enjoy these moments with my children, allow myself to recover, and take each day one step at a time. I am totally in love with Lydia Grace, as are Micah, Alicia, and Kevin. We could not have asked for a sweeter addition to our family. Her black hair, bright eyes, and a gentle and calm spirit delight us every day as she grows and changes.

This past week, we again were traveling but this time not for support raising. God’s perfect timing took my granddad home on Sunday, June 24 at 10:30 p.m. The Lord graciously allowed my mom to arrive and spend his last several hours of life with him. She sat by his bedside waiting for him to pass from this life into eternity with Jesus. What a beautiful truth to know that he is now at peace in the arms of Jesus. Though we will miss him greatly, we are so grateful that he no longer has to linger in this hurting world.

The trip was wearing on all of us, as flights required us to be up around 4 a.m. each time we traveled. The time in Virginia was a sweet reunion with my cousins and my Aunt Ruth. We had not all been together in over 10 years. It was great fun hanging out in the hotel rooms talking and challenging one another in a “typing contest.” The time we shared with Granny was also precious as the great-grandchildren brought many smiles to her face (the most any of us have seen in awhile).

After arriving home on Friday, we were completely exhausted and have been trying to catch up on sleep since then. I have felt quite drained spiritually as well, with a lack of time in the Word over the past week. Just yesterday as I read Psalm 22 verse 27 really stuck out at me. It reads, “ All the ends of the earth shall remember and turn to the Lord, and all the families of the nations shall worship before you.” As I meditated on this verse, my thoughts were drawn to Paraguay. As the summer passes by quickly, my heart is more and more eager to be in Paraguay and begin our ministry there. I will be honest, it has been difficult to get one no after another when asking for support. BUT, just when I least expected it, GOD surprised me with a supporter who wanted to double what they were giving. Why am I surprised when God is faithful? Why do I long to have the support raised NOW when I know it will be here in his perfect time?

Today I was longing for the companionship of friends and I found myself really missing my teammates in Paraguay. God has blessed me so richly to already know and love those who we will be serving with. As I struggled to give these emotions to the Lord, I meditated on Psalm 23. What refreshment came from those words!

“The Lord is my shepherd; I SHALL NOT WANT.” He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. HE RESTORES MY SOUL. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, FOR YOU ARE WITH ME; your rod and your staff THEY COMFORT ME. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; MY CUP OVERFLOWS. SURELY GOODNESS AND MERCY SHALL FOLLOW ME ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE, AND I SHALL DWELL IN THE HOUSE OF THE LORD FOREVER.” Amen!

A Tiring Yet Treasured Season of Life

This past month has contained such a range of emotions for me. Two months ago as we prepared to go to North Carolina for training with SIM, I wrote in my journal how exhausted I was both emotionally and physically. As the day draws near for our third child to enter this world, I am weary and long to be done carrying this child. My body seems to be falling apart, and I am easily frustrated at the weakness of my muscles.

However as I ponder all that has gone on during this last trimester, I am completely overwhelmed with gratefulness by how the Lord works through our struggles. This daily reminder of my own weakness points me to the fact that I can do nothing apart from depending on Christ for his grace and strength. I am also reminded of how often I take for granted a strong and healthy body. I must learn like Paul to be content in any and every situation. I hope this truth will prevail in my mind and that I will continually exhibit a grateful heart before the Lord each day that he gives me life on this earth.

Yesterday, the kids and I ventured out to the park near our house. While there, I saw three young girls and a young guy who all had children ages 6 and under. Whether they had never married or were already divorced, each of them was raising their children alone. I cannot imagine the heartbreak of their situation nor the amount of work and stress that fills each day in trying to raise their children alone.

In a world where Godly men who love and cherish the wives are a rare treasure, I cannot verbalize enough how deeply blessed I am to have my husband by my side. He not only continues to provide for our family but also constantly strives to help me around the house, build his relationship with our children, and be the spiritual leader that God has called him to be. Kevin’s love and support is priceless as he encourages me daily to persevere and finish this season well.

Passionate for Paraguay

This last month was spent on the road as we traveled out to North Carolina for our training at the SIM headquarters. It was a great month but we are exhausted and so thankful to be home. Our trip started with just missing a Minnesota blizzard (the only one this winter). Along the way we were able to visit my dear friends and family. As we headed into Kentucky and Tennessee where we were surrounded by torrential rains and tornado warnings. Praise the Lord for his protection as we did arrive safely in North Carolina.

During our two weeks at training, the Lord spoke to me in so many ways. Many of the sessions pushed me to think about why we are going to Paraguay. Up until now I have had a very hard time verbalizing why this is OUR calling and not just Kevin's calling. I thought of church planting as mainly his job and mine would be taking care of the home. However, as I meditated on Scripture and thought about God's desire for people of Paraguay to know Him, I became passionate about working together with Kevin to reach the Paraguayan people. Though I am young and I am learning new things daily, I am excited to share what God has taught me with those who surround me. The more I think about it, the more I realize how passionate I am about discipling women and young girls in their relationship with the Lord. I am eager to teach them what God says about our role as women, wives, and mothers. And it is my deepest hope that I can model for them what that looks like as I live my life among them. As women come to know Christ as their personal Lord and Savior, it is my prayer that we can lift up our husbands, fathers, and brothers to the Lord as they too seek to know Christ more deeply each day.

I feel as though I could sit here and write for hours about all that the Lord is teaching me these days, but I must get to bed so that I will have the energy to love on my little ones in the morning.