In the past month, I have felt more and more overwhelmed with my responsibilities as a mother/wife/homemaker/etc. Many days I feel discouraged, frustrated, and alone. We have been on the road which adds to the craziness. Upon our return, my thoughts are consumed with questions and concerns about preparing to move Paraguay. Constant fatigue, headaches, and dizziness are a clear sign to me that my body in exhausted.
The past fews days my temper has raged and the word "no" seems to constantly be on my tongue. Micah has been begging for "someone to play with," and he seems bored with any other suggestion I have. In exploring the option of preschool for him, I have mixed feelings of excitement and guilt.
Once again last night, Kevin could see the strain in my eyes as I battled the kids to go to sleep. It was then already past 9 and only Lydia was down for the night. The kitchen sink was piled high, and I have yet to unpack from our trip. Kevin graciously hugged me as he commented, "You go on to bed. I'm taking tomorrow off so you can have a day away to rest." I was again blown away by this expression of love for me. When I am struggling the most, Kevin always reminds me, "Our children are clean, they are fed, they have clothes to wear, they are safe, and they know that they have a mother who loves them." In this way, He ever so gently shows me that no matter how inadequate I feel, the Lord is faithful. My God will strengthen and protect me from the evil one.
In my Bible reading this morning, the Lord impressed this verse upon my heart.
"I thank him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because he judged me faithful, appointing me to his service..." 1 Timothy 1:12
Paul had a task set before him that he could not do alone. I, too, amidst the screaming, laughing, crying, and pleading of my every day life feel helplessly lacking. But as I meditated on this verse, I was reminded once again of the source of my strength, Christ Jesus our Lord. Because he has judged me faithful, he appointed me to his service in my primary task of raising our three children. WOW! How humbling to think that the God of this universe has entrusted me with his most precious creation. I am to train and care for them, modeling a life of faith and teaching them to love and serve him as Lord and Savior.
What a daunting responsibility! And yet to think that God knew even before he created me that he was preparing me for this task. He knows my weaknesses. He knows what I can handle. And he is my source of strength for each new day. What a relief to know that the salvation of my children does not rest on my shoulders, but solely in the hands of the almighty God. Praise the LORD!
