Overcoming Attitude Traps

“Do you ever feel like motherhood is a cycle of never-ending tasks that go unnoticed and unappreciated?” This question caught my attention as I grazed over a book sale table. I quickly grabbed the book and knew it had to be added to my collection. Though the next several months were crammed with the craziness of moving to a new continent and adjusting to a whole new world, the time finally came when I was able to sit down and open my new book, Be the Mom.

Each chapter focused on a different attitude trap faced by moms in our world today. As I read, conviction of my own crummy attitude began to surface. Challenged to overcome the attitude traps, I began to address each one through the study.

Quite honestly, my attitude was arrogant and I had become embittered toward my responsibilities as a mother. I wanted so much to invest more in my kids, and at the same time I wanted a clean house, wonderful healthy meals, organized closets, and time for myself. The attitude of self-pity began to invade my daily life, and I was not satisfied with any part of it. My husband Kevin worked hard to get the kids out of the house, allowing me time to myself; but rarely, if ever, did I feel refreshed.
            One of the greatest blessings of being here in Paraguay is the cultural norm to have househelp. I simply cannot express the relief and gratefulness I have for the young girl who comes in to help with household cleaning, laundry, cooking, and on occasion even the kids. As we pursued the possibility, I was not sure how to find someone to help in our home; but it is completely obvious to me that the Lord guided us as he led me to Karina.

She is a sixteen year old who lives with her older sister and her family. Though I have had to train her in a few things, she is an incredibly hard worker and very gracious around our family. Having her here makes me wonder why in the world I ever felt like I needed to do everything on my own? Or why in the US it felt so wrong to ask for help? I remember feeling an incredible pressure to do everything on my own trying to make sure that I would look capable of running my home sufficiently.

Though encouraged by my husband, I didn’t want to hire someone to clean for me. Now that mentality seems so ridiculous. This structure of living with household help is even described for us in Proverbs 31:15, “She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants.” How could I ever have thought I was a better mom for trying to do it all on my own? This woman who is so often idolized had others in her home helping her to complete her tasks. Why would I be so arrogant to think I could handle it alone?

When asked recently by a friend what excites me these days, I answered in total honesty, “my kids.” I really enjoy being with my kids, reading, playing, singing, dancing, going for walks, baking, whatever. I love my kids, and I am excited about my responsibility to train them and disciple them in the ways of the Lord. Tracey Eyster comments, “Your priority isn’t your home; it is the hearts and souls of the people in your home” (Be the Mom, 31).

I know that as the Lord continues to reveal areas in my life that need attention, I must surrender to him and address the issues at hand. Yes, it is a blessing to have help around the house, but the truth is that no matter how much help I have, if my attitude is not right, I will not be able to disciple my children or manage our home in a way that honors the Lord.

As I continue to meditate on the attitudes of my own heart and my responsibilities in our home, I want to challenge you to do the same. Motherhood is a blessing to be cherished! If we choose to wallow in an attitude of self-pity, we will miss out on the treasure produced by investing in our children and home. Proverbs 14:1 reads, “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. In order to complete the task of motherhood well, we must work together as moms, keeping one another accountable, with the older women training the younger, encouraging and praying for each other.

Take time today to “reflect on the truth that motherhood is a gift to grow your children and you…The gift God has given you and what He reveals of Himself through motherhood should fill you with wonder and anticipation. Each day you spend raising your precious children is an opportunity to lean into God’s love for you and share His love with your children. It really is the best job in the world” (Eyster, 154).