Where O Death is Your Sting?

In the past two months, God has drawn my thoughts to the reality of life and death in this world. With the passing of my Grandma, I began to think about all that she did in this life and the impact she made in my life. Though she did not do anything that most would deem "amazing," her life was a living testimony of what it means to serve the Lord faithfully.

Just five weeks after Grandma died, my grandpa (her husband) passed away as well. Grandpa's death was so unexpected and so soon after losing Grandma. The phone call from my dad shocked me and the tears poured. I couldn't believe he was gone. Watching my parents, aunts, and uncles process this huge loss has taught me much about grieving. On a cold March day, we drove out to the military cemetery to say our final goodbyes to Grandpa. I had never experience anything like this before. They laid the flag over the casket, three rifle shots were fired, and the trumpet began to play. The flag was removed, folded and placed in the hands of my Uncle John. The woman thanked him on behalf of the President and the United States Military. As everyone quietly said their goodbyes, I turned to see my own father standing next to the casket of his father, eyes tightly shut, and tears streaming down his face. I had never seen my dad cry like that, and I could not imagine having to say goodbye to him. I will not soon forget that moment!

The days and weeks to follow have been filled with clearing out the house, seeing that all of Grandma and Grandpa's things are dispersed appropriately. What a blessing that their has been no fighting or demanding of things as the family works through this. I have been so blessed to see how peaceably and selflessly the process has gone.

Just two and a half weeks after Grandpa's death, my Uncle Bill (my mom's sister's husband) passed away from colon cancer. He was only 52. My dear cousins who are my age and younger have just lost their father as well. It pained me not to be able to be there with them during this time. I know however, that the Lord's grace and comfort is surrounding them right now.

As I continued to process these three deaths, a young girl (12 years old) who I worked with in the Youth Center in MN died from cancer. She was just diagnosed in January. And then this past Saturday, my great uncle (also on my father's side) had a heart attack and passed away. He had just flown to MN by himself at the age of 87 for my Grandpa's funeral. As soon as he saw me, he asked how Texas and learning Spanish was going. I couldn't believe his good memory. It was such a joy to talk with him, and he was joking around with us like always. Having seen him so recently, it seems so unreal that he is with the Lord now as well.

As my thoughts dwell on these losses, I can only praise God for the grace he has shown in the HOPE we have in him. I cannot imagine losing so much in this life without the Hope of eternity so prevalent in my mind. As the memories of these loved ones come to mind, I thank God for the time I had with them, realizing that this life is short and each day together is precious.

The New York Times published an article/obituary about my Uncle Bill stating that he found hope in a single passage of the Book of Job. "You will call and I will answer," Job says. "You will long for the creature your hands have made." The article closed by quoting this statement from Uncle Bill: "The concept that God longs for the likes of me is so unbelievably sweet."

God has created each of us so uniquely, calling us to live out who we are in Him for His glory. This has been so beautifully displayed in the lives of all these precious members of my family. Now I rejoice that the Lord has called them home to rest with him in glory!

His mercies are new every morning...

Packing. Throwing. Sorting. Moving. CHANGE! New places, new people, new neighborhood, new weather, new culture, new language. Unpacking and trying to settle in. Meeting new people all the time. The loss of loved ones. Traveling. Readjusting. All this, plus two little ones can be exhausting. I have never been very good at adapting to change. Initially, I tend to get very excited about anything new; but when it actually comes, I find myself wishing for the past. Or looking ahead to whatever comes next.

So many changes at once have also put extra tension on me and Kevin during the past two and half months. (And I share this story with his permission). This past weekend Kevin and I seemed to disagree about everything. We couldn't communicate anything we were thinking without getting mad or hurting one another. The day was miserable and I shed lots of tears. But those tears drove me to my knees in prayer. I laid everything before the Lord, asking him to show me MY sin and to help me forgive Kevin. As Kevin joined me, we prayed together and were able to calmly discuss everything that had gone wrong. When I commented how much I hate fighting, Kevin reminded me of a TRUTH that we were taught in a small group on Peacemaking. Conflict is an opportunity. Rather than running from it, we can use is as a chance to love and forgive one another as Christ loves us!

God continues to teach me that DEPENDING on Him is the only way to live this life.

Not my plan. Not my schedule.

Since I got back from Minnesota, I have been constantly working to get back into a schedule with the kids and caught up on rest. I can't believe how long it has taken to get back into the swing of things.

This morning Kevin and I had the opportunity to share with Rio Life Community Church (Kevin's home church) our passion for reaching Hispanics with the Gospel. One of the most valuable lessons I have been learning is that God does not work on my schedule or according to my plan. This continues to be evident every day as the Lord places "inconveniences" before me. I am slowly realizing that what I might consider an inconvenience is exactly the thing God wants me to focus on. A wonderful example of this occurred just yesterday when I went to the library for some time alone with the Lord. After a very tiring week with the kids (due to lots of running around and missed naps) I was desperately in need of some rest. Kevin and I had planned that I would take a Sabbath on Saturday morning for a few hours. When I arrived at the library it was not yet open so I decided to sit outside and read under a tree. Only a few minutes after sitting down, a car drove up and a young girl got out. Sitting down next to me, she began sharing her life's problems with me. The first thing that went through my head was, "WHY LORD? WHY NOW. I just need to be alone with you. " But he gently prompted me to talk to this girl, showing me that she needed him as much as I do! I quietly closed the computer and prayed that the Lord would change my attitude. Then I began to share the gospel with her. We talked for some time before I had to go. Even though I can't change anyone's heart, God only asks that I be faithful to share the Gospel. He is the one who changes lives in his perfect timing!

Finishing Well

The past four years have brought much change in the life of my Grandma. She has struggled with cancer, battling through without a complaint. This fall brought new complications and Grandma continued to get weaker. As we prepared to move to Texas, I realized that I may not see my grandma many more times in this life. Thanksgiving Day as we sat around the living room, Grandpa was at the piano and the room was filled with joyful singing of Thanksgiving hymns. I sat across from Grandma, watching her intently as we sang. My eyes filled with tears as the words barely escaped my mouth...Thanks for times now but a memory, Thanks for Jesus by my side! I knew as I watched her, that this would probably be the last day I would ever see my Grandma in this life. Grandma managed to somehow make it through the holidays, but Mom and Dad's trips to the cities were getting more frequent as January came. Last week after leaving Grandma's house, mom called and told me it might be a good time to give Grandma a call or write her a letter. As soon as I hung up the phone I called Grandma. When she answered her voice was sweeter and more at peace than I had heard in a long time. We talked for a few moments before she began to sound tired. I said goodbye, thankful to hear my Grandma's voice again. That night she got very sick and was taken to the hospital the next morning. I then wrote her the following note.

Dear Grandma,

I don't know if you will get this, but I wanted to write you and let you know how much I love you. I was so glad to hear your cheerful voice last night on the phone even though I know you weren't feeling well. I was very sorry to hear that you had a painful night of throwing up. When you commented on the phone that you "fear you are only a shadow of who you used to be," I began thinking about all the memories I have with you. I can never tell you enough how your life has been such a great example to me. You are constantly serving others and never do I hear you complain about anything. Even now as you have been sick for four years, you have continued to be gracious and faithful in loving and serving everyone around you. I will always cherish the memories I have of you reading stories to me and singing Children of the Heavenly Father to me as I fell asleep. You always made the best peanut butter sandwiches cut in four triangles and you never failed to have vanilla yogurt there for me when I came for a visit. Everything always seemed better at grandma's. From the time I was little, your life has been an example to me of how to live in a way that blesses those around you and brings glory to God. I am reminded of this summer at the reunion when Lisa Madera shared about finishing well. As I think about those who have gone ahead, I am reminded of the verse in Hebrews that says, "Therefore since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." You have modeled beautifully how to live life as a faithful servant of the Lord, and now you modeling for me how to finish well. I sure wish I could be there with you right now to tell you this in person. You are such a wonderful Grandma and I am going to miss you so much! Love, Bekah

Thursday evening, January 20, Grandma went to be with the Lord. She has given me many treasures to hold on to, and now that she is with her Savior, I am experiencing the truth of the words she sang to me so many times...

Children of the Heavenly Father
Safely in His bosom gather
Nestling bird nor star in heaven
Such a refuge e’er was given

God His own doth tend and nourish

In His holy courts they flourish

From all evil things He spares them

In His mighty arms He bears them.

Neither life nor death shall ever

From the Lord His children sever

Unto them His grace He showeth

And their sorrows all He knoweth.

Though He giveth or He taketh

God His children ne'er forsaketh

His the loving purpose solely

To preserve them pure and holy

Praise the Lord in joyful numbers
Your Protector never slumbers
At the will of your Defender
Ev’ry foe man must surrender.

Thank you, Grandma! I love you!

My Mission Field

This morning as I read about Hannah and the trials she went through as a wife and mother, I was once again overwhelmed with the blessings I have been given in my husband and children. Micah is now 2 and a sponge for all the world can offer. I continue to be amazed at the new words and phrases added to his vocabulary each day. Alicia's growth is obvious to us all as she not only fills up her sleepers completely but she has found her voice! She LOVES to tell the world all her stories loudly. She also has conquered the task of rolling from her back to her tummy, almost making it onto the hard tile before mommy noticed. Kevin, also, is filled with news for me when he gets home from school. He is eager to share all that he is learning, and I am amazed at his progress after only 3 days of classes. Last night he prayed in Spanish before supper. As this week has progressed, I have enjoyed the beginning of a new season that allows for more routine in our lives. However, I can tell already that it may be easy for me to do one of two things: hide out here at home, never building relationships with others; or get antsy and annoyed at the fact that I have to be home with two needy children all the time. I am thankful that the Lord has helped me to see these temptations early on. I must develop a good balance in my involvement outside the home and my contentment of being home. As I spent the morning holding Alicia and playing with Micah, my thoughts began to dwell on this role of motherhood. There is no doubt in my mind that my mission field is right here in my own home. Because of the young age of our children, it is easy to forgot this truth during this season of life. During the time of Hannah, Israel's spiritual leaders fell into great sin, using the tabernacle for the own sinful pleasures. Knowing the need for a godly man to take leadership, the Lord allowed Hannah to conceive and give birth to Samuel. He used Hannah in a mighty way to bring Israel the leader they needed. Hannah's faithfulness in serving the Lord with her life allowed God to use her mightily in her role as wife and mother. I, too, desire to be faithful each day of my life so that the Lord may use me for his purposes.

Welcome to Texas

These last two weeks have brought so much change for our family I can hardly begin to describe it. There have been lots of laughs and tears, hellos and goodbyes, unpacking and settling in to a new place. We started our time here in Texas with mom, dad, and Isaac visiting for a week, which was a HUGE blessing! We cherished every moment we had with them, knowing that it would soon come to an end. We went to Mexico, South Padre Island, and Moni's wedding. Each was a great experience! The whole week Micah followed his Poppa (my dad) everywhere he went, bobbing his little head from side to side with not a care in the world. He loves to be with Poppa and do everything exactly like Poppa does. When we were at the island walking along the beach, dad saw a jellyfish in the sand and began poking it with a shell. He flipped it over in order to inspect it before continuing on our walk. Mama (Kevin's Mom) thought he was crazy for getting near the thing and then she commented, "Now I understand where Micah gets his curiousness from." I will always rejoice in the fact that Micah loves his grandparents and that he has a special affection for my dad. Watching him learn and grow continues to thrill me every day as new words are added to his vocabulary like "love you" and "thank you". He is beginning to pick up some Spanish as well, which makes me even more excited to begin our studies. Though I have been enjoying the ease of being outside without having to bundle up the babies, I didn't realize just how much I would miss a white Christmas. We had a cold front the other day which caused the temperatures to drop into the 50's at night. This brought rejoicing from every bone in my body. I really do miss the cooler weather, but I know that with the warmer weather comes many blessings as well. So, I am trying my best to enjoy what the Lord has brought us to and not to let my thoughts linger on other places. I do miss my family immensely, but I know the time apart will give new and precious meaning to the times where we will be together again. Praise the Lord that because He has begun to reveal to me our purpose, I can stop focusing on what I am leaving behind and start focusing on what God is calling us to.

The Joy of Two

Wow! The past two months have flown by. My life is filled with diapers, hungry kids, crying, and waking up throughout the night. But I wouldn't trade it for the world! Alicia has added new delight to our days with her beautiful smile. Already we can sense her sweet personality. And Micah has advanced to a whole new level of boy. His sounds of guns, trains, trucks, and planes are constantly filling the room. Yet his gentle care for his sister is unmistakeable. From the day Alicia was born he has adored her, tenderly kissing her on the cheek and loving on her as often as mommy will allow. Though these first few months were tough for Alicia because of some tummy trouble, I am so grateful to the Lord for blessing us with another beautiful and healthy child. As the day for our move to Texas is quickly approaching, I am treasuring every moment we have together with my family. Micah has grown to love his grandma and grandpa very much, and it brings tears to my eyes to think of him not seeing them for so long. It will be wonderful for him and Alicia to get to know their Lita (Kevin's mom) as well. With all these major transitions come lots of emotions, but I know that "the Lord is faithful and he will strengthen and protect [me] from the evil one" (2 Thes. 3:3). I am eagerly anticipating this next phase of life, together with its joys and trials as the Lord continues to refine me through them. I will treasure each moment as I watch my little ones grow and change in this new environment. What fun it will be to experience the joys of their daddy's chidhood together as a family!