Settling In Yet Again- What a Privilege!

After 28 hours (due to flooded roads and traveling with children) the 7 of us who had crammed in the van along with all our "stuff," are now safely back in Texas. We arrived Tuesday night and moved onto campus in Edinburg Wednesday morning. This week has included unpacking again, adjusting to the heat (100 degrees every day), and settling into our new apartment. I think we are actually getting pretty good at this whole moving thing. I would hope so anyway since we have moved 4 times in the last year.

As I was walking across campus this morning, I was struck by the uniqueness of this community we will call home for the next 5 months. I began to envision how the first Christians would have lived together. Acts 4:32 reads, "Now the full number of those who believed were of one heart and soul, and no one said that any of the things that belonged to him was his own, but they had everything in common... (34) There was not a needy person among them." Upon moving in, we were able to go to the "bodega" (a building filled with household items, small appliances, kitchen supplies, towels, sheets, curtains, etc.) to choose all that we needed for our apartment. There is also a warehouse filled with furniture to add to your apartment if you desire. After we finish here at school we will return all that we have taken for the next person who needs to use it. Just a few minutes walk from our apartment is a building called the "botique" filled with food. Many stores in the area donate canned goods, fresh fruit and vegetables, beans, rice, potatoes, bread, etc. free for all students and faculty here on campus. The other day a man drove up to our apartment with fresh bread from a bakery nearby and just the day before he had delivered a box filled with several packages of spaghetti noodles, cans of sauce, pastries, tuna, and bread. There is also another building across campus where volunteers come in to sew and/or fix any clothing that you have. It is also a free service provided for all those attending the school. Everyone is welcoming and eager to serve in any way they can. What a joy to be a part of a community like this!

We are so excited to be here on campus and start classes. I know that this time will be packed with studying and homework in addition to maintaining the house and caring for our family, but we are going to cherish it! We have already built some great relationships here, and we are excited to see how God continues to nurture those. I am so grateful for this opportunity to be here, studying in order that we might take the Gospel to the nations. What a mighty God we serve! To think that he has brought us here, fully supported by those who have a passion for His work in order that we might be trained to effectively reach Spanish-speakers with the Gospel!!!

Am I willing? Am I ready?

These last few months, Kevin and I have been spending time in fasting and prayer as we continue to seek the Lord's direction for our lives following language school. As we are now half way through the summer, we are both sensing the Lord directing us toward a position overseas. Thinking about moving to a new country always gets me excited, and yet I wonder, am I ready? Sure I am eager to be where God wants us, but I am also nervous about letting go of where I am comfortable. On my first trip overseas, I remember asking my dad's cousin Heidi how she was able to let go of her family and move so far away. She told me that she had to focus on her husband and children as her family now, and she knew that God had called her to serve him in Peru. Because of that calling and seeing the fruit of God's Word in people's lives, she was assured that any "sacrifice" that she had made was more than worth it. I was encouraged by her response, and yet it seemed unbearable for me to think about leaving my family, celebrating holidays and special occasions together, and the everyday moments that I cherish. I have continued to wrestle with that reality as I see God's calling becoming more clear. My husband continually challenges me to prepare myself to "count the cost" as we seek to follow Christ together. As I think about how I would adjust to such a different life, I am faced with the question of how much am I really willing to give up to follow Christ. I am reminded of the verse in Matthew 19:29 that reads, "And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for my names sake, will receive a hundredfold and will inherit eternal life." I know that God is calling me to let go of my life here in Minnesota that I may follow Him unconditionally. Now am I willing to follow? Am I ready to follow that calling? Again I find it easy to say, "sure, I am ready and willing." But now I am faced with the fact that Micah and Alicia will not see their grandparents very often. I will not have my parents around to encourage me. I will not be celebrating Christmas with snow and hot chocolate. Are these things more important to me than following my Lord and Savior without any conditions? Am I really willing to put it all in his hands and let go, allowing him to be in complete control? Like the Apostle Paul I am constantly arguing with myself. "For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing" (Romans 7:18-19).

Lord, give me the strength to follow you unconditionally, to surrender all to you, knowing that sharing the gospel with the nations is worth every bit of the "cost" you have called me to pay.

Who am I created to be?

God, what do you want me to do with all these thoughts and desires you have placed on my heart?

I want so much to serve you with the unique gifts you have given me but I don't know how to set aside time when I have piles of laundry, dirty dishes in the sink, kids that need attention, and a longing to meet the standards of everyone who looks my way. I long for a frequent and consistent time where I can be alone just to write notes to people, sit and think about my life, my husband, and my children, plan or brainstorm for things you place on my heart, dream about the future, write about what you are teaching me, and so much more. But I don’t know how that fits in with the 24/7 fulltime responsibility of being a mom of two little ones and wife to Kevin.

Recently I have been reading a book called Momology: A Mom's Guide to shaping great kids. It has been an excellent resource and encouragement to me as it has helped me to study who God has created me to be and how he has uniquely designed me to love and serve Kevin, Micah, and Alicia. Today I took a temperament test, and the results really surprised me. Here is a bit of how they described my personality type:

"At work [in my home] Protectors are seldom happy in situations where the rules are constantly changing, or where long-established ways of doing things are not respected. For their part, Protectors value tradition, both in the culture and in their family...Their reserve ought really to be seen as an expression of their sincerity and seriousness of purpose. The most diligent of all the types, Protectors are willing to work long, hard hours quietly doing all the thankless jobs that others manage to avoid. Protectors are quite happy working alone; in fact, in positions of authority they may try to do everything themselves rather than direct others to get the job done. Thoroughness and frugality are also virtues for them. When Protectors undertake a task, they will complete it if humanly possible. They also know better than any other type the value of a dollar, and they abhor the squandering or misuse of money. To save, to put something aside against an unpredictable future, to prepare for emergencies-these are actions near and dear to the Protector's heart."

I found this to be very interesting as I applied it to my own job (at home) and in the way I express myself and my values. I think that because I love people, I want to serve others first! I always desire to meet the needs of my children and husband before considering anything else. But I am beginning to see how I get drained from being with people all the time. My body is ALWAYS refreshed when I have time away from everyone and everything just to think, pray, read, and write. I love pouring my thoughts out on paper rather than jumping into a crown of people to forget about all my responsibilities. My husband, however, gets refreshed by being with people (crying babies don't count). So just exactly how does this work? How do we both manage to stay refreshed and on top of the tasks placed before us when we are made so differently?

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts;

And see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way."

Psalm 139:23-24 (NASB)

The HEAT!

I honestly cannot believe how drastically different the weather can be in different parts of the country. Today was not the typical cool April day I am used to with the last bits of snow melting in our yard. Instead, the temperature rose to a scorching 101 degrees. Though he was covered in sweat as the sun beat down intensely, Micah hardly seemed to notice the heat as he jumped excitedly with his mommy on the trampoline. I decided today was a good day for some water fun. So I began spraying Micah with the hose. It felt WONDERFUL! He enjoyed every moment, getting soaked from head to toe. What a joy to experience things with my son, who never seems to complain about the things we can't control (like the weather). Rather, he enjoys the day for whatever it may bring!

Nothing lasts forever...

Well, Micah recently experienced a small taste of the reality that nothing lasts forever in this life. As he is quickly approaching 2 1/2, I felt that it was time for him to give up the pacifier (not any too soon I might add). He has started becoming very attached and whiny when he doesn't have it. So this past week I called my mom and asked her how she got us to give it up. She actually referred me to her mother's plan, which I thought was a great one. So Thursday afternoon, after waking up from his nap we all took Micah outside to the big garbage can and HE threw his Nuk away. At first he wasn't to sure about it, but after a slight hesitation he tossed it in. We all cheered and handed him a large Toy Story Coloring Book that Nana had brought him. Then we went out for ice cream all the while telling him what a big boy he was. : ) He thoroughly enjoyed the evening. When it was time to go to bed he asked for his Nuk, just as I figured he would. I reminded him that he was a big boy now and he had thrown it away. His eyes looked sad but he cuddled in to his blankie and remarked, "I threw it." We then prayed and sang together until he was ready to head to sleep. After tossing and turning for about an hour he finally fell asleep. Hurray! And he is doing great without it!

1 Corinthians 15:54-57

When the perishable puts on the imperishable and the mortal puts on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written:

"Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?" The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Where O Death is Your Sting?

In the past two months, God has drawn my thoughts to the reality of life and death in this world. With the passing of my Grandma, I began to think about all that she did in this life and the impact she made in my life. Though she did not do anything that most would deem "amazing," her life was a living testimony of what it means to serve the Lord faithfully.

Just five weeks after Grandma died, my grandpa (her husband) passed away as well. Grandpa's death was so unexpected and so soon after losing Grandma. The phone call from my dad shocked me and the tears poured. I couldn't believe he was gone. Watching my parents, aunts, and uncles process this huge loss has taught me much about grieving. On a cold March day, we drove out to the military cemetery to say our final goodbyes to Grandpa. I had never experience anything like this before. They laid the flag over the casket, three rifle shots were fired, and the trumpet began to play. The flag was removed, folded and placed in the hands of my Uncle John. The woman thanked him on behalf of the President and the United States Military. As everyone quietly said their goodbyes, I turned to see my own father standing next to the casket of his father, eyes tightly shut, and tears streaming down his face. I had never seen my dad cry like that, and I could not imagine having to say goodbye to him. I will not soon forget that moment!

The days and weeks to follow have been filled with clearing out the house, seeing that all of Grandma and Grandpa's things are dispersed appropriately. What a blessing that their has been no fighting or demanding of things as the family works through this. I have been so blessed to see how peaceably and selflessly the process has gone.

Just two and a half weeks after Grandpa's death, my Uncle Bill (my mom's sister's husband) passed away from colon cancer. He was only 52. My dear cousins who are my age and younger have just lost their father as well. It pained me not to be able to be there with them during this time. I know however, that the Lord's grace and comfort is surrounding them right now.

As I continued to process these three deaths, a young girl (12 years old) who I worked with in the Youth Center in MN died from cancer. She was just diagnosed in January. And then this past Saturday, my great uncle (also on my father's side) had a heart attack and passed away. He had just flown to MN by himself at the age of 87 for my Grandpa's funeral. As soon as he saw me, he asked how Texas and learning Spanish was going. I couldn't believe his good memory. It was such a joy to talk with him, and he was joking around with us like always. Having seen him so recently, it seems so unreal that he is with the Lord now as well.

As my thoughts dwell on these losses, I can only praise God for the grace he has shown in the HOPE we have in him. I cannot imagine losing so much in this life without the Hope of eternity so prevalent in my mind. As the memories of these loved ones come to mind, I thank God for the time I had with them, realizing that this life is short and each day together is precious.

The New York Times published an article/obituary about my Uncle Bill stating that he found hope in a single passage of the Book of Job. "You will call and I will answer," Job says. "You will long for the creature your hands have made." The article closed by quoting this statement from Uncle Bill: "The concept that God longs for the likes of me is so unbelievably sweet."

God has created each of us so uniquely, calling us to live out who we are in Him for His glory. This has been so beautifully displayed in the lives of all these precious members of my family. Now I rejoice that the Lord has called them home to rest with him in glory!