A Tiring Yet Treasured Season of Life

This past month has contained such a range of emotions for me. Two months ago as we prepared to go to North Carolina for training with SIM, I wrote in my journal how exhausted I was both emotionally and physically. As the day draws near for our third child to enter this world, I am weary and long to be done carrying this child. My body seems to be falling apart, and I am easily frustrated at the weakness of my muscles.

However as I ponder all that has gone on during this last trimester, I am completely overwhelmed with gratefulness by how the Lord works through our struggles. This daily reminder of my own weakness points me to the fact that I can do nothing apart from depending on Christ for his grace and strength. I am also reminded of how often I take for granted a strong and healthy body. I must learn like Paul to be content in any and every situation. I hope this truth will prevail in my mind and that I will continually exhibit a grateful heart before the Lord each day that he gives me life on this earth.

Yesterday, the kids and I ventured out to the park near our house. While there, I saw three young girls and a young guy who all had children ages 6 and under. Whether they had never married or were already divorced, each of them was raising their children alone. I cannot imagine the heartbreak of their situation nor the amount of work and stress that fills each day in trying to raise their children alone.

In a world where Godly men who love and cherish the wives are a rare treasure, I cannot verbalize enough how deeply blessed I am to have my husband by my side. He not only continues to provide for our family but also constantly strives to help me around the house, build his relationship with our children, and be the spiritual leader that God has called him to be. Kevin’s love and support is priceless as he encourages me daily to persevere and finish this season well.

Passionate for Paraguay

This last month was spent on the road as we traveled out to North Carolina for our training at the SIM headquarters. It was a great month but we are exhausted and so thankful to be home. Our trip started with just missing a Minnesota blizzard (the only one this winter). Along the way we were able to visit my dear friends and family. As we headed into Kentucky and Tennessee where we were surrounded by torrential rains and tornado warnings. Praise the Lord for his protection as we did arrive safely in North Carolina.

During our two weeks at training, the Lord spoke to me in so many ways. Many of the sessions pushed me to think about why we are going to Paraguay. Up until now I have had a very hard time verbalizing why this is OUR calling and not just Kevin's calling. I thought of church planting as mainly his job and mine would be taking care of the home. However, as I meditated on Scripture and thought about God's desire for people of Paraguay to know Him, I became passionate about working together with Kevin to reach the Paraguayan people. Though I am young and I am learning new things daily, I am excited to share what God has taught me with those who surround me. The more I think about it, the more I realize how passionate I am about discipling women and young girls in their relationship with the Lord. I am eager to teach them what God says about our role as women, wives, and mothers. And it is my deepest hope that I can model for them what that looks like as I live my life among them. As women come to know Christ as their personal Lord and Savior, it is my prayer that we can lift up our husbands, fathers, and brothers to the Lord as they too seek to know Christ more deeply each day.

I feel as though I could sit here and write for hours about all that the Lord is teaching me these days, but I must get to bed so that I will have the energy to love on my little ones in the morning.

But he made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant...

Once again it is Saturday morning and the kids woke up far too early in my opinion. But as Kevin and I drug ourselves out of bed to get them some breakfast, Kevin informed me that this morning he wanted me to take some time for myself. "Get out of the house. Go spend some time with the Lord. Just be alone for awhile." I shook my head, reminding him that I had to get the laundry done before we left for our nephew's football game. He then assured me that he would do the laundry and that I was to go ahead and take my "sabbath."

The other day in class, as we took some time to encourage one another, one girl commented on how she has really been blessed by watching Kevin and me together. She especially noted how Kevin is such a servant leader and how he seems to have such a genuine care for me and our children. I couldn't have agreed more!

In January of this year, the Lord strongly impressed upon my heart how important it is for me to be praying for me husband. As I battled the tendency to try to "fix" him myself, I fought to keep my mouth shut and take my concerns to the Lord. As the year has gone by I have been completely amazed at the difference I have seen in his character. What a mighty God we serve!!! I am so humbled to be the recipient of Kevin's genuine attitude of a servant. It has been so evident in his role as a father also.

One day as I was reading through Proverbs, I read outloud Proverbs 15:1, "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Ever since that day, I have quite frequently heard Kevin quoting that verse as we struggle with one or both of the kids. How true it is that "ALL SCRIPTURE is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work."

As I thought about all that the Lord has been doing in our lives as a family, I was drawn to read from Philippians today. What a beautiful picture of the work that Christ has done for us! Once again, I am reminded of the perfect model we have set before us. And to think that "he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Christ Jesus." What a promise! I can never express the joy I have in knowing that Christ will never give up on me. He will continue to work in my life until I reach holiness in his presence.

As the Lord continues to teach me much about depending on him through prayer, I want to close with this verse , "But as for me, my prayer is to you, O Lord. At an acceptable time, O God, in the abundance of your steadfast love answer me in your saving faithfulness." -Psalm 69:13

Missed Opportunity

This past week we had a friend over for lunch who I know is not a believer. I have been praying for him for years now, and I long to see the Lord soften his heart. Every time we are together I pray that I will have an opportunity to share the gospel with him, but I never seem to find the right time.

As our last class before lunch was closing with prayer, I quickly requested that we pray for our lunch with this friend who was coming over. As John prayed, he asked the Lord to miraculously bring about the opportunity for us to share about Jesus Christ. As he was praying, I found myself thinking, hmm, how wonderful that would be. But I don't think it will happen.

Well, we went home and got lunch on the table. We enjoyed the conversation but as I suspected we talked about the same things we always do: work, football, and stories from when he was younger. I love talking to him about those things, but I was disappointed that God had not answered our prayer the way we wanted, or so I thought.

The next day I was spending some time reading 2 Corinthians and praying as I read it. As I meditated on that Scripture, the Lord brought to mind our lunch conversation from the previous day. I remembered that in the midst of one of his stories, our friend had mentioned that he was baptized in the Catholic church but he didn't even know why. He wasn't Catholic.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that that statement had been the open door for me to share Christ with this man. I was so humbled as I realized my lack of faith as well as the opportunity I had missed to share about our Lord. I continued in prayer asking God to forgive me for not trusting that he would provide the opportunity and for not being ready when the time came. I then asked for wisdom to recognize the opportunity the next time it comes up.

I am so thankful that the Lord does not depend on such a weak person (me) to bring his gospel to the world. Yet, I am completely humbled at the fact that God chooses to use me in my weakness as an instrument for his glory.

I don't understand myself...But God is faithful.

Occasionally I go through a period of time where I feel very discouraged, without understanding why or what is causing me to feel that way. That is the case today. I feel like crying over things that normally wouldn't bother me one bit, and I am frustrated that I cannot explain my feelings to anyone as I cannot understand them myself. As I sat and began to wait on the Lord to speak to me today, a passage in Lamentations caught my eye.

But this I call to mind, and THEREFORE I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning great is your faithfulness. "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him." The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord...For the Lord will not cast off forever, but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love; for he does not willingly afflict or grieve the children of men. Lamentations 3:21-26;31-33

What a beautiful truth in the face of feeling so unsure of myself! My emotions are so random and difficult to understand, but I can hope in the Lord. I can trust in the fact that no matter what I feel, he is faithful.

Settling In Yet Again- What a Privilege!

After 28 hours (due to flooded roads and traveling with children) the 7 of us who had crammed in the van along with all our "stuff," are now safely back in Texas. We arrived Tuesday night and moved onto campus in Edinburg Wednesday morning. This week has included unpacking again, adjusting to the heat (100 degrees every day), and settling into our new apartment. I think we are actually getting pretty good at this whole moving thing. I would hope so anyway since we have moved 4 times in the last year.

As I was walking across campus this morning, I was struck by the uniqueness of this community we will call home for the next 5 months. I began to envision how the first Christians would have lived together. Acts 4:32 reads, "Now the full number of those who believed were of one heart and soul, and no one said that any of the things that belonged to him was his own, but they had everything in common... (34) There was not a needy person among them." Upon moving in, we were able to go to the "bodega" (a building filled with household items, small appliances, kitchen supplies, towels, sheets, curtains, etc.) to choose all that we needed for our apartment. There is also a warehouse filled with furniture to add to your apartment if you desire. After we finish here at school we will return all that we have taken for the next person who needs to use it. Just a few minutes walk from our apartment is a building called the "botique" filled with food. Many stores in the area donate canned goods, fresh fruit and vegetables, beans, rice, potatoes, bread, etc. free for all students and faculty here on campus. The other day a man drove up to our apartment with fresh bread from a bakery nearby and just the day before he had delivered a box filled with several packages of spaghetti noodles, cans of sauce, pastries, tuna, and bread. There is also another building across campus where volunteers come in to sew and/or fix any clothing that you have. It is also a free service provided for all those attending the school. Everyone is welcoming and eager to serve in any way they can. What a joy to be a part of a community like this!

We are so excited to be here on campus and start classes. I know that this time will be packed with studying and homework in addition to maintaining the house and caring for our family, but we are going to cherish it! We have already built some great relationships here, and we are excited to see how God continues to nurture those. I am so grateful for this opportunity to be here, studying in order that we might take the Gospel to the nations. What a mighty God we serve! To think that he has brought us here, fully supported by those who have a passion for His work in order that we might be trained to effectively reach Spanish-speakers with the Gospel!!!

Am I willing? Am I ready?

These last few months, Kevin and I have been spending time in fasting and prayer as we continue to seek the Lord's direction for our lives following language school. As we are now half way through the summer, we are both sensing the Lord directing us toward a position overseas. Thinking about moving to a new country always gets me excited, and yet I wonder, am I ready? Sure I am eager to be where God wants us, but I am also nervous about letting go of where I am comfortable. On my first trip overseas, I remember asking my dad's cousin Heidi how she was able to let go of her family and move so far away. She told me that she had to focus on her husband and children as her family now, and she knew that God had called her to serve him in Peru. Because of that calling and seeing the fruit of God's Word in people's lives, she was assured that any "sacrifice" that she had made was more than worth it. I was encouraged by her response, and yet it seemed unbearable for me to think about leaving my family, celebrating holidays and special occasions together, and the everyday moments that I cherish. I have continued to wrestle with that reality as I see God's calling becoming more clear. My husband continually challenges me to prepare myself to "count the cost" as we seek to follow Christ together. As I think about how I would adjust to such a different life, I am faced with the question of how much am I really willing to give up to follow Christ. I am reminded of the verse in Matthew 19:29 that reads, "And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for my names sake, will receive a hundredfold and will inherit eternal life." I know that God is calling me to let go of my life here in Minnesota that I may follow Him unconditionally. Now am I willing to follow? Am I ready to follow that calling? Again I find it easy to say, "sure, I am ready and willing." But now I am faced with the fact that Micah and Alicia will not see their grandparents very often. I will not have my parents around to encourage me. I will not be celebrating Christmas with snow and hot chocolate. Are these things more important to me than following my Lord and Savior without any conditions? Am I really willing to put it all in his hands and let go, allowing him to be in complete control? Like the Apostle Paul I am constantly arguing with myself. "For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing" (Romans 7:18-19).

Lord, give me the strength to follow you unconditionally, to surrender all to you, knowing that sharing the gospel with the nations is worth every bit of the "cost" you have called me to pay.