But he made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant...

Once again it is Saturday morning and the kids woke up far too early in my opinion. But as Kevin and I drug ourselves out of bed to get them some breakfast, Kevin informed me that this morning he wanted me to take some time for myself. "Get out of the house. Go spend some time with the Lord. Just be alone for awhile." I shook my head, reminding him that I had to get the laundry done before we left for our nephew's football game. He then assured me that he would do the laundry and that I was to go ahead and take my "sabbath."

The other day in class, as we took some time to encourage one another, one girl commented on how she has really been blessed by watching Kevin and me together. She especially noted how Kevin is such a servant leader and how he seems to have such a genuine care for me and our children. I couldn't have agreed more!

In January of this year, the Lord strongly impressed upon my heart how important it is for me to be praying for me husband. As I battled the tendency to try to "fix" him myself, I fought to keep my mouth shut and take my concerns to the Lord. As the year has gone by I have been completely amazed at the difference I have seen in his character. What a mighty God we serve!!! I am so humbled to be the recipient of Kevin's genuine attitude of a servant. It has been so evident in his role as a father also.

One day as I was reading through Proverbs, I read outloud Proverbs 15:1, "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Ever since that day, I have quite frequently heard Kevin quoting that verse as we struggle with one or both of the kids. How true it is that "ALL SCRIPTURE is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work."

As I thought about all that the Lord has been doing in our lives as a family, I was drawn to read from Philippians today. What a beautiful picture of the work that Christ has done for us! Once again, I am reminded of the perfect model we have set before us. And to think that "he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Christ Jesus." What a promise! I can never express the joy I have in knowing that Christ will never give up on me. He will continue to work in my life until I reach holiness in his presence.

As the Lord continues to teach me much about depending on him through prayer, I want to close with this verse , "But as for me, my prayer is to you, O Lord. At an acceptable time, O God, in the abundance of your steadfast love answer me in your saving faithfulness." -Psalm 69:13

Missed Opportunity

This past week we had a friend over for lunch who I know is not a believer. I have been praying for him for years now, and I long to see the Lord soften his heart. Every time we are together I pray that I will have an opportunity to share the gospel with him, but I never seem to find the right time.

As our last class before lunch was closing with prayer, I quickly requested that we pray for our lunch with this friend who was coming over. As John prayed, he asked the Lord to miraculously bring about the opportunity for us to share about Jesus Christ. As he was praying, I found myself thinking, hmm, how wonderful that would be. But I don't think it will happen.

Well, we went home and got lunch on the table. We enjoyed the conversation but as I suspected we talked about the same things we always do: work, football, and stories from when he was younger. I love talking to him about those things, but I was disappointed that God had not answered our prayer the way we wanted, or so I thought.

The next day I was spending some time reading 2 Corinthians and praying as I read it. As I meditated on that Scripture, the Lord brought to mind our lunch conversation from the previous day. I remembered that in the midst of one of his stories, our friend had mentioned that he was baptized in the Catholic church but he didn't even know why. He wasn't Catholic.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that that statement had been the open door for me to share Christ with this man. I was so humbled as I realized my lack of faith as well as the opportunity I had missed to share about our Lord. I continued in prayer asking God to forgive me for not trusting that he would provide the opportunity and for not being ready when the time came. I then asked for wisdom to recognize the opportunity the next time it comes up.

I am so thankful that the Lord does not depend on such a weak person (me) to bring his gospel to the world. Yet, I am completely humbled at the fact that God chooses to use me in my weakness as an instrument for his glory.

I don't understand myself...But God is faithful.

Occasionally I go through a period of time where I feel very discouraged, without understanding why or what is causing me to feel that way. That is the case today. I feel like crying over things that normally wouldn't bother me one bit, and I am frustrated that I cannot explain my feelings to anyone as I cannot understand them myself. As I sat and began to wait on the Lord to speak to me today, a passage in Lamentations caught my eye.

But this I call to mind, and THEREFORE I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning great is your faithfulness. "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him." The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord...For the Lord will not cast off forever, but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love; for he does not willingly afflict or grieve the children of men. Lamentations 3:21-26;31-33

What a beautiful truth in the face of feeling so unsure of myself! My emotions are so random and difficult to understand, but I can hope in the Lord. I can trust in the fact that no matter what I feel, he is faithful.

Settling In Yet Again- What a Privilege!

After 28 hours (due to flooded roads and traveling with children) the 7 of us who had crammed in the van along with all our "stuff," are now safely back in Texas. We arrived Tuesday night and moved onto campus in Edinburg Wednesday morning. This week has included unpacking again, adjusting to the heat (100 degrees every day), and settling into our new apartment. I think we are actually getting pretty good at this whole moving thing. I would hope so anyway since we have moved 4 times in the last year.

As I was walking across campus this morning, I was struck by the uniqueness of this community we will call home for the next 5 months. I began to envision how the first Christians would have lived together. Acts 4:32 reads, "Now the full number of those who believed were of one heart and soul, and no one said that any of the things that belonged to him was his own, but they had everything in common... (34) There was not a needy person among them." Upon moving in, we were able to go to the "bodega" (a building filled with household items, small appliances, kitchen supplies, towels, sheets, curtains, etc.) to choose all that we needed for our apartment. There is also a warehouse filled with furniture to add to your apartment if you desire. After we finish here at school we will return all that we have taken for the next person who needs to use it. Just a few minutes walk from our apartment is a building called the "botique" filled with food. Many stores in the area donate canned goods, fresh fruit and vegetables, beans, rice, potatoes, bread, etc. free for all students and faculty here on campus. The other day a man drove up to our apartment with fresh bread from a bakery nearby and just the day before he had delivered a box filled with several packages of spaghetti noodles, cans of sauce, pastries, tuna, and bread. There is also another building across campus where volunteers come in to sew and/or fix any clothing that you have. It is also a free service provided for all those attending the school. Everyone is welcoming and eager to serve in any way they can. What a joy to be a part of a community like this!

We are so excited to be here on campus and start classes. I know that this time will be packed with studying and homework in addition to maintaining the house and caring for our family, but we are going to cherish it! We have already built some great relationships here, and we are excited to see how God continues to nurture those. I am so grateful for this opportunity to be here, studying in order that we might take the Gospel to the nations. What a mighty God we serve! To think that he has brought us here, fully supported by those who have a passion for His work in order that we might be trained to effectively reach Spanish-speakers with the Gospel!!!

Am I willing? Am I ready?

These last few months, Kevin and I have been spending time in fasting and prayer as we continue to seek the Lord's direction for our lives following language school. As we are now half way through the summer, we are both sensing the Lord directing us toward a position overseas. Thinking about moving to a new country always gets me excited, and yet I wonder, am I ready? Sure I am eager to be where God wants us, but I am also nervous about letting go of where I am comfortable. On my first trip overseas, I remember asking my dad's cousin Heidi how she was able to let go of her family and move so far away. She told me that she had to focus on her husband and children as her family now, and she knew that God had called her to serve him in Peru. Because of that calling and seeing the fruit of God's Word in people's lives, she was assured that any "sacrifice" that she had made was more than worth it. I was encouraged by her response, and yet it seemed unbearable for me to think about leaving my family, celebrating holidays and special occasions together, and the everyday moments that I cherish. I have continued to wrestle with that reality as I see God's calling becoming more clear. My husband continually challenges me to prepare myself to "count the cost" as we seek to follow Christ together. As I think about how I would adjust to such a different life, I am faced with the question of how much am I really willing to give up to follow Christ. I am reminded of the verse in Matthew 19:29 that reads, "And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for my names sake, will receive a hundredfold and will inherit eternal life." I know that God is calling me to let go of my life here in Minnesota that I may follow Him unconditionally. Now am I willing to follow? Am I ready to follow that calling? Again I find it easy to say, "sure, I am ready and willing." But now I am faced with the fact that Micah and Alicia will not see their grandparents very often. I will not have my parents around to encourage me. I will not be celebrating Christmas with snow and hot chocolate. Are these things more important to me than following my Lord and Savior without any conditions? Am I really willing to put it all in his hands and let go, allowing him to be in complete control? Like the Apostle Paul I am constantly arguing with myself. "For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing" (Romans 7:18-19).

Lord, give me the strength to follow you unconditionally, to surrender all to you, knowing that sharing the gospel with the nations is worth every bit of the "cost" you have called me to pay.

Who am I created to be?

God, what do you want me to do with all these thoughts and desires you have placed on my heart?

I want so much to serve you with the unique gifts you have given me but I don't know how to set aside time when I have piles of laundry, dirty dishes in the sink, kids that need attention, and a longing to meet the standards of everyone who looks my way. I long for a frequent and consistent time where I can be alone just to write notes to people, sit and think about my life, my husband, and my children, plan or brainstorm for things you place on my heart, dream about the future, write about what you are teaching me, and so much more. But I don’t know how that fits in with the 24/7 fulltime responsibility of being a mom of two little ones and wife to Kevin.

Recently I have been reading a book called Momology: A Mom's Guide to shaping great kids. It has been an excellent resource and encouragement to me as it has helped me to study who God has created me to be and how he has uniquely designed me to love and serve Kevin, Micah, and Alicia. Today I took a temperament test, and the results really surprised me. Here is a bit of how they described my personality type:

"At work [in my home] Protectors are seldom happy in situations where the rules are constantly changing, or where long-established ways of doing things are not respected. For their part, Protectors value tradition, both in the culture and in their family...Their reserve ought really to be seen as an expression of their sincerity and seriousness of purpose. The most diligent of all the types, Protectors are willing to work long, hard hours quietly doing all the thankless jobs that others manage to avoid. Protectors are quite happy working alone; in fact, in positions of authority they may try to do everything themselves rather than direct others to get the job done. Thoroughness and frugality are also virtues for them. When Protectors undertake a task, they will complete it if humanly possible. They also know better than any other type the value of a dollar, and they abhor the squandering or misuse of money. To save, to put something aside against an unpredictable future, to prepare for emergencies-these are actions near and dear to the Protector's heart."

I found this to be very interesting as I applied it to my own job (at home) and in the way I express myself and my values. I think that because I love people, I want to serve others first! I always desire to meet the needs of my children and husband before considering anything else. But I am beginning to see how I get drained from being with people all the time. My body is ALWAYS refreshed when I have time away from everyone and everything just to think, pray, read, and write. I love pouring my thoughts out on paper rather than jumping into a crown of people to forget about all my responsibilities. My husband, however, gets refreshed by being with people (crying babies don't count). So just exactly how does this work? How do we both manage to stay refreshed and on top of the tasks placed before us when we are made so differently?

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts;

And see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way."

Psalm 139:23-24 (NASB)

The HEAT!

I honestly cannot believe how drastically different the weather can be in different parts of the country. Today was not the typical cool April day I am used to with the last bits of snow melting in our yard. Instead, the temperature rose to a scorching 101 degrees. Though he was covered in sweat as the sun beat down intensely, Micah hardly seemed to notice the heat as he jumped excitedly with his mommy on the trampoline. I decided today was a good day for some water fun. So I began spraying Micah with the hose. It felt WONDERFUL! He enjoyed every moment, getting soaked from head to toe. What a joy to experience things with my son, who never seems to complain about the things we can't control (like the weather). Rather, he enjoys the day for whatever it may bring!