Overcoming Attitude Traps

“Do you ever feel like motherhood is a cycle of never-ending tasks that go unnoticed and unappreciated?” This question caught my attention as I grazed over a book sale table. I quickly grabbed the book and knew it had to be added to my collection. Though the next several months were crammed with the craziness of moving to a new continent and adjusting to a whole new world, the time finally came when I was able to sit down and open my new book, Be the Mom.

Each chapter focused on a different attitude trap faced by moms in our world today. As I read, conviction of my own crummy attitude began to surface. Challenged to overcome the attitude traps, I began to address each one through the study.

Quite honestly, my attitude was arrogant and I had become embittered toward my responsibilities as a mother. I wanted so much to invest more in my kids, and at the same time I wanted a clean house, wonderful healthy meals, organized closets, and time for myself. The attitude of self-pity began to invade my daily life, and I was not satisfied with any part of it. My husband Kevin worked hard to get the kids out of the house, allowing me time to myself; but rarely, if ever, did I feel refreshed.
            One of the greatest blessings of being here in Paraguay is the cultural norm to have househelp. I simply cannot express the relief and gratefulness I have for the young girl who comes in to help with household cleaning, laundry, cooking, and on occasion even the kids. As we pursued the possibility, I was not sure how to find someone to help in our home; but it is completely obvious to me that the Lord guided us as he led me to Karina.

She is a sixteen year old who lives with her older sister and her family. Though I have had to train her in a few things, she is an incredibly hard worker and very gracious around our family. Having her here makes me wonder why in the world I ever felt like I needed to do everything on my own? Or why in the US it felt so wrong to ask for help? I remember feeling an incredible pressure to do everything on my own trying to make sure that I would look capable of running my home sufficiently.

Though encouraged by my husband, I didn’t want to hire someone to clean for me. Now that mentality seems so ridiculous. This structure of living with household help is even described for us in Proverbs 31:15, “She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants.” How could I ever have thought I was a better mom for trying to do it all on my own? This woman who is so often idolized had others in her home helping her to complete her tasks. Why would I be so arrogant to think I could handle it alone?

When asked recently by a friend what excites me these days, I answered in total honesty, “my kids.” I really enjoy being with my kids, reading, playing, singing, dancing, going for walks, baking, whatever. I love my kids, and I am excited about my responsibility to train them and disciple them in the ways of the Lord. Tracey Eyster comments, “Your priority isn’t your home; it is the hearts and souls of the people in your home” (Be the Mom, 31).

I know that as the Lord continues to reveal areas in my life that need attention, I must surrender to him and address the issues at hand. Yes, it is a blessing to have help around the house, but the truth is that no matter how much help I have, if my attitude is not right, I will not be able to disciple my children or manage our home in a way that honors the Lord.

As I continue to meditate on the attitudes of my own heart and my responsibilities in our home, I want to challenge you to do the same. Motherhood is a blessing to be cherished! If we choose to wallow in an attitude of self-pity, we will miss out on the treasure produced by investing in our children and home. Proverbs 14:1 reads, “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. In order to complete the task of motherhood well, we must work together as moms, keeping one another accountable, with the older women training the younger, encouraging and praying for each other.

Take time today to “reflect on the truth that motherhood is a gift to grow your children and you…The gift God has given you and what He reveals of Himself through motherhood should fill you with wonder and anticipation. Each day you spend raising your precious children is an opportunity to lean into God’s love for you and share His love with your children. It really is the best job in the world” (Eyster, 154).

Yerba Mate Factory

As the months pass, I continue to be surprised at the new and unusual places that I see people carrying around their guampa (cup) and ice water pitcher sipping on tereré. Driving in vehicles, riding on motorbikes, sitting at the park, at work, at church, at home and everywhere else you can think of, people are constantly drinking tereré. As the seasons changed, the ice water switched to boiling water, which is added to the same yerba plant so they can enjoy a hot drink (mate). With this drink as such a huge part of the culture, we found it interesting to explore the process that goes into the making of it.

 Therefore, we went for a tour of the nearby tereré factory. Though our teammate Greg had checked to make sure they were open, we arrived to find that the secretary had left for the afternoon. The groundskeeper told us to go ahead and look around for ourselves. This adjustment to our plans has become quite typical, as time and schedules are more fluid than concrete in Paraguayan culture.

As we began to explore, a large truck pulled up and several men got out. One of them offered to give us the tour, and we gratefully accepted. He began by showing us the yerba tree and how it grows. Then we proceeded across a small bridge to a large warehouse lined with bags full of yerba that had been drying for a couple years. As we entered, the smell quickly overwhelmed me, and my head started to ache. I stepped outside for some fresh air as the tour continued. We then walked down to another building where large amounts of freshly cut yerba were waiting to go through the initial drying process. A large metal cylinder with huge fires inside and underneath rotated as the yerba passed through it. The intense and direct heat surrounding the leaves dries them out quickly. Then they are placed into another large room where the heating and drying process continues. After a couple years of drying, it is then run through a sorting process. This step separates out the different grades of yerba. Lesser grades have more twigs and larger pieces, while better grades have finer pieces giving a stronger flavor. Finally, it is bagged and ready to sell.

As we continue to be exposed to new parts of the culture every day, we are excited to begin our next phase of learning—Guarani Language School. Thus, we are packing up again and heading four hours north to a new home for the coming year.

If you want a better idea of what this looks like, then check out this video:

The Dump

Another rainy day took us out in the truck onto muddy roads to throw our garbage at the town dump. As we sloshed along through the mud, my mind wandered to the pleasantries of life with which I had grown up. With the dampness in the air, I felt as if we had been camping and I was ready to go home, dry off, and clean up.

As we approached the dump outside of town, there was a noticeable change in our surroundings. Merely a mile or two from our home, the evidence of poverty pressed upon me and an uncomfortable feeling tugged at my heart.

Bumping along I noticed a small boy running quickly beside us. He eagerly ran up the hill, and as we pulled into the dump he timidly approached our vehicle. Often times several young children run up to help unload our garbage with hopes that they might receive a few coins in exchange for throwing our trash.

This time however, the boy simply followed Kevin as he walked toward the mound of scraps and waste. Kevin tossed the bag and returned to the truck. Keeping a close eye on the boy, I noticed he and another young girl who had just arrived ripped open the bag and began searching through it. My stomach tightened as I thought about the filth that bag contained. I was disgusted and gripped with sadness at the thought of the conditions in which they where growing up.

As we drove away, Kevin quietly noted the amazing opportunities our children have before them simply because of the family they were born into. Dwelling on the environment of those children, we realized the slight probability of them even attending college. As I contemplated what seemed to me a completely unfair situation, I was filled with anguish for those with such a distressing childhood. At the same time, my heart was overwhelmed with gratitude to our Lord for the grace he has bestowed upon us.

In a world so utterly corrupted by sin, the only hope for which we live is in our precious savior Jesus Christ. Proverbs 22:2 reads, “Rich and poor have this in common: The Lord is the Maker of them all.” I pray that I will not soon forget the truth that no matter how rich or poor, hope can be found in Christ alone. Chosen by God’s grace to be his child, I have but one purpose and that is to bring Him glory as I live each day seeking to share his love and message with those around me. 

Teachable Moments

As the distraction of something new and exciting around every corner has begun to wear off, the reality of life here in Paraguay is beginning to set in. Our pace is slowing down which often brings waves of homesickness for me. Though I don't think my parents spoiled us as children, I realize now the many luxuries that I grew up with.

When I commented to my mom the other night that I was missing the conveniences of the U.S., she reminded me that many of the American “conveniences” are not always so convenient. As I’ve been contemplating her statement, I realized I am hasty to critique other cultures as I compare them to how I grew up.

When I began this blog, I titled it Treasured Moments as a venue for me to journal about the simple blessings of life as a mom. I subtitled it “Seeking to treasure the moments of each day rather than longing for a season of life yet to come.” Now as I write about life here in Paraguay, I truly desire to treasure what God has given me and where he has placed me in this season of life. Thus, through my struggles, I want to portray an attitude of being teachable as I learn about Paraguayan culture and this new world in which we live.

In my observations of this culture, I realize that because I grew up with certain traditions, ways of life, and displays of nature, I am inclined to be more sentimentally attached to that which is familiar to me. My husband, having grown up in a hot culture much more similar to Paraguay, is quite fond of our new life.

Last night during a video chat I saw the beauty of spring in Minnesota (now that it has finally arrived). The thought of getting outside in the fresh new air as everything comes alive made my heart ache for home. Though the winters can be long and even depressing in Minnesota, the season of frozenness runs its course producing an amazing and beautiful environment. Though we are just now entering into autumn being south of the equator, spring has many beautiful ways of displaying itself and I am excited to see the array of color here when Paraguay welcomes a new beginning. 

Growing up in the northern United States, I didn't realize that probably the majority of the world does not have the pleasure of enjoying soft green grass with few biting bugs to worry about. I loved being outside, playing in the grass, running barefoot through the yard, and never worrying about a thing.  My husband, however, is much more accustomed to the roughness of the outdoors here, as it's quite similar to Texas. 

Here, wall-to-wall carpet is scarce as the dirt and heat make it totally impractical. A yard filled with soft grass and no biting insects is definitely a rare find. During one of Kevin's first visits to Minnesota, I remember him getting a bit worked up over some ants crawling around us. At the time I was confused as to why that was a big deal for him. I now am beginning to understand his childhood a bit better as the culture and climate here resemble South Texas. Tarantulas, crickets, beetles, cockroaches, mosquitos, and biting ants are everywhere. 

Last night after putting the kids to bed I came out of our room and noticed something black moving on the floor. As I looked closer I realized it was a large beetle I had stepped on earlier and forgotten to throw outside. I cried out in disgust, as it was covered in ants. Kevin jumped up from the computer to see what had repulsed me. When he realized the cause, he laughed and went back to work. I sighed, as I understood then that it was no big deal to him. 

It is quite a different world for me, and I am struggling to adjust especially because of having Lydia around. I now need to keep a closer eye on her because you never know what she might find; or worse, what might find her. I cannot count the number of times she has fallen and hit her head on the hard tile or cement. I feel so helpless in that I can't give her a safe, soft place to play as she learns to walk and explore. Oh how I realize now the blessing of a carpeted living room! 

So as not to focus on the negative, I do realize that there are many blessings to having a tile floor as well. For instance, our house did not have anywhere for us to hook up our washing machine. So Kevin worked hard to figure out a way to hook it up. The first night we attempted to do a load of laundry, we started the machine and went to get ready for bed. We emerged from our room only to find that the whole house was filling with soapy water as the washer hose had fallen from the window where it was supposed to drain out of the house. We quickly grabbed the squeegee and began to push water out the doors. The next 45 minutes were spent mopping and moving the fan around to dry the floor. I was so grateful that only one box had gotten wet and our whole house now smelled super clean!

Kevin rearranged the hose to where it now runs down onto the kitchen floor where it drains. So long as the kids don't mess with the hose, it works pretty well. We've had the floor washed only once more with detergent water since the first occasion, so things are looking good. Praise the Lord for tile floors!

Another aspect of the Paraguayan culture that is truly a blessing is the value of a slow-paced life. This is something I know I have struggled with growing up in the busyness of American life. I love to fill my calendar, check off items on my task list, and move through life in a "productive" way! However, their values of relationship and rest present a great learning opportunity for me. 

The whole society practices "siesta" and therefore everything shuts down from noon to two. It is such a blessing to have an excuse to relax and not go anywhere. Paraguayans work hard, but they know when to rest. Throughout the day they stop to relax and enjoy drinking tereré. It is a great time for visiting with friends and family as well as meeting someone new.

We are definitely enjoying and adapting to this slower pace of life. It provides such an opportunity for building relationships. Walking down the street every afternoon, we see people sitting outside almost every house. Our sweet and outgoing two year old happily waves and greets them with "hola." To which they respond with a surprised smile and "hola" in return. 

As I continue to contemplate all these changes, some enjoyable and some not so much, I am grateful to the Lord for walking this road with me. My devotional Jesus Calling encouraged me recently when I read the following: "faltering steps of dependence are not lack of faith, they are links to My [the Lord's] presence." The Lord alone is my strength and through Him alone can I complete this task that he has given me. 

Transitioning and Lots of Learning

            As I think back over the past two months, time seemed to have stopped from the moment we set foot here in Paraguay. I’ve lost track of the days and weeks, and it doesn’t seem real that we’ve already been here for almost two months. On former short-term mission trips I was always overwhelmed with homesickness, longing to return to the comforts of the U.S. and the ones I love. However, this time, even though I miss home and all the joys that it brings, I have a strange sense of peace. I praise the Lord for his goodness, and I know that that peace comes from him alone as he reassures us of his guidance in the process.

            Tonight as I read Romans 12, I came across the verses about the church as members of one body. We are all so unique and God has called us to different roles and different places in life. As I thought about this, I realized that our team here in Paraguay is very much this way as well. Each one of our team members is very different, and yet we have all been given a task from the Lord in which we join together as a body and a family.

            After visiting many of our teammates homes, one friend referred to her home as her “humble abode.” As we talked she encouraged me to remember that not only does God call us to different ministries, he also calls us to different standards of living. Being able to come to a point of contentment in different homes is definitely a process. I was very blessed by her words as she continued to share about her own time here in Paraguay.

            Thinking back a bit farther, I remember our first night in Yuty. As we prepared for bed, Kevin and I were overwhelmed with culture shock. The bathrooms, bugs, dirt, spiders, and the realization of not going home was beginning to settle in. What had we done? The switching homes and beds so often also added to the stress. Little did we know that our time of living in transition and living out of a suitcase was only just beginning.

            That Monday morning we headed out to meet our host family and settle in for the next two weeks. A friendly woman and her daughter greeted us and welcomed us into their home. It was a surprise to all share one room, but we set up our space and said our goodbyes to the Camerons, the missionary family who was dropping us off. The following few days were some of our toughest since arriving in Paraguay. The kids had a lot of trouble sleeping, especially Lydia. We were exhausted and the days were spent sitting around and observing life in a Paraguayan home. Now it’s one thing to participate and learn about their culture on your own, it’s quite another task with three young ones who are eager to get into anything and everything new, including an open fire. Some of our kids’ daily enjoyment was found in chasing ducks and chicks everywhere, jumping over cow pies (instead of mud puddles), helping to grind and sift corn flour, feeding a calf from a bottle, and watching excitedly as Lise (our host daughter) herded in the animals.

We stayed with the mother and daughter who live alone because the father and son live and work in Buenos Aires, Argentina. They go for months at a time, only coming home for short periods of time around holidays. We have found that this is an extremely common arrangement, which reflects some interesting values. It seems that the men want good work and they want to provide well for the families, however, they do it at the expense of being with their family. Regina, our host mom, commented one night how much she enjoyed our being with her because she was not nearly so afraid when we were around.

Though we loved the relationships we were building with Regina and Lise, the days there seemed to creep by and the frustration built. Towards the end of our first week we were ready to be done. We talked with our mentors who encouraged us strongly to stick out our two weeks there, and we reluctantly agreed. The kids had had a rough adjustment and we felt they needed the stability and routine of getting our own home set up. However, we realized that this was a learning time for them as well. Through this whole process, we are praying that they would learn about Paraguayan culture, how to be flexible, and how to be creative and use their imaginations. It is a difficult age however, to expect so much in such a drastic transition. Each of our children is expressing their frustration in different ways.

Micah spent a few nights literally weeping for his family, friends, and home in Minnesota. It broke my heart when I had to help him realize that this was our new home and we were not going back. Alicia seems to be expressing her frustration by yelling about everything! The lack of schedule and simply the fact that she is two also complicate things, as she is tired most of the time due to skipped or short naps. Lydia just decided to cling to her mother for dear life during the entire month of February and much of March. I love her to pieces but this drains my energy so quickly. Just in the last couple weeks, she seems to be doing a little better, for which I am very grateful.

Because we arrived at our host family’s home during harvest, our second day there was spent husking corn. This made us feel right at home. We were not quite used to the process that followed, however. The corn was set out to dry, then cut off the husk, put through a grinder, sifted and sold in large bags of corn flour. It was lots of work but very interesting to be a part of. And of course there were terere (tea) breaks throughout the day.

As we worked alongside them, we also began learning a few phrases in Guarani. We have a difficult task ahead of us to learn the language, but we are excited about the opportunity to study in one of the most beautiful parts of Paraguay. We also began learning more about their cultural beliefs, with each day bringing new learning experiences. One morning an older woman put some leaves on the daughter’s eye. When we asked what that was about, she explained that the leaves would heal whatever was bothering her. Another interesting tidbit we received was that we were to stay away from the large toads, as they will pee in your eye if you get to close. The only remedy for that is breastmilk, funny enough.

Lydia cried an awful lot during our time there. This too brought many lessons. Crying babies can mean only one thing. She’s starving. Every time she cried our host mom told me I must nurse her, even if I had just finished. Nursing, by the way is no private thing. If you cover yourself with blanket, you will be questioned. Why would you want to smoother your baby like that? Regina also felt the need to stick food into Lydia's mouth whenever she could, including cheese puffs and hot chocolate. As we’ve come to discover, candy and treats are the solution for disobedient children. Hmm. I don’t think I can agree with that one. But the more we talked, the more I understood that Regina only responded this way out of love for our kids. She felt terrible that Lydia was crying and wanted to help. I too, struggled with her tears, but as her mother, I knew what she really needed was for me to hold her and love her as she adjusted to this strange place.   

After a break with our mentors for the weekend, we headed back out to our Paraguayan home, doubtful of our decision to continue. However, our second week went pretty well. It was tiring but we did continue to learn a lot about the culture. There wasn’t as much going on because no more corn was brought in. But I utilized the time to get some recipes and observe how Regina cooked. Kevin also went through a picture dictionary with Lise to get more correct Spanish vocabulary. On Thursday we came into town again, did some shopping, and then enjoyed a delicious pizza at Regina’s niece’s restaurant. Alicia and Micah were delighted to have something familiar. 

That brings me to another big difference in the Paraguayan culture that is especially hard for us to adjust to. Paraguayans eat their main meal of the day at lunch time. Then they have a siesta, so from about noon to 2 every day most things shut down. Around the time that we would normally have dinner, they have terere and maybe a light snack. Dinner is not served until 8:00 pm or later. This was quite tricky for us as our kids were hungry and tired much earlier. But we adjusted by doing baths and bedtime routine before dinner. 

As we later found out in Asuncion, this not only applies in the homes, but also in restaurants. Kevin and I had the opportunity to go out for a date, but no restaurant opened for dinner until at least 7:30. That sure complicates life when you have to be home to put the kids to bed around 8:30.

As we came to the end of our time with Regina and her daughter, Lise, we were grateful for the time we had spent with them. The Lord knew how much we could handle, and he gave us the strength when we were weak. We are so blessed to have built these relationships with Paraguayans and though it was a trying task, we were grateful for the opportunity. Praise the Lord that He knows what we need, exactly when we need it, and he will give us strength when it the task at hand seems too difficult to bear.