Teachable Moments

As the distraction of something new and exciting around every corner has begun to wear off, the reality of life here in Paraguay is beginning to set in. Our pace is slowing down which often brings waves of homesickness for me. Though I don't think my parents spoiled us as children, I realize now the many luxuries that I grew up with.

When I commented to my mom the other night that I was missing the conveniences of the U.S., she reminded me that many of the American “conveniences” are not always so convenient. As I’ve been contemplating her statement, I realized I am hasty to critique other cultures as I compare them to how I grew up.

When I began this blog, I titled it Treasured Moments as a venue for me to journal about the simple blessings of life as a mom. I subtitled it “Seeking to treasure the moments of each day rather than longing for a season of life yet to come.” Now as I write about life here in Paraguay, I truly desire to treasure what God has given me and where he has placed me in this season of life. Thus, through my struggles, I want to portray an attitude of being teachable as I learn about Paraguayan culture and this new world in which we live.

In my observations of this culture, I realize that because I grew up with certain traditions, ways of life, and displays of nature, I am inclined to be more sentimentally attached to that which is familiar to me. My husband, having grown up in a hot culture much more similar to Paraguay, is quite fond of our new life.

Last night during a video chat I saw the beauty of spring in Minnesota (now that it has finally arrived). The thought of getting outside in the fresh new air as everything comes alive made my heart ache for home. Though the winters can be long and even depressing in Minnesota, the season of frozenness runs its course producing an amazing and beautiful environment. Though we are just now entering into autumn being south of the equator, spring has many beautiful ways of displaying itself and I am excited to see the array of color here when Paraguay welcomes a new beginning. 

Growing up in the northern United States, I didn't realize that probably the majority of the world does not have the pleasure of enjoying soft green grass with few biting bugs to worry about. I loved being outside, playing in the grass, running barefoot through the yard, and never worrying about a thing.  My husband, however, is much more accustomed to the roughness of the outdoors here, as it's quite similar to Texas. 

Here, wall-to-wall carpet is scarce as the dirt and heat make it totally impractical. A yard filled with soft grass and no biting insects is definitely a rare find. During one of Kevin's first visits to Minnesota, I remember him getting a bit worked up over some ants crawling around us. At the time I was confused as to why that was a big deal for him. I now am beginning to understand his childhood a bit better as the culture and climate here resemble South Texas. Tarantulas, crickets, beetles, cockroaches, mosquitos, and biting ants are everywhere. 

Last night after putting the kids to bed I came out of our room and noticed something black moving on the floor. As I looked closer I realized it was a large beetle I had stepped on earlier and forgotten to throw outside. I cried out in disgust, as it was covered in ants. Kevin jumped up from the computer to see what had repulsed me. When he realized the cause, he laughed and went back to work. I sighed, as I understood then that it was no big deal to him. 

It is quite a different world for me, and I am struggling to adjust especially because of having Lydia around. I now need to keep a closer eye on her because you never know what she might find; or worse, what might find her. I cannot count the number of times she has fallen and hit her head on the hard tile or cement. I feel so helpless in that I can't give her a safe, soft place to play as she learns to walk and explore. Oh how I realize now the blessing of a carpeted living room! 

So as not to focus on the negative, I do realize that there are many blessings to having a tile floor as well. For instance, our house did not have anywhere for us to hook up our washing machine. So Kevin worked hard to figure out a way to hook it up. The first night we attempted to do a load of laundry, we started the machine and went to get ready for bed. We emerged from our room only to find that the whole house was filling with soapy water as the washer hose had fallen from the window where it was supposed to drain out of the house. We quickly grabbed the squeegee and began to push water out the doors. The next 45 minutes were spent mopping and moving the fan around to dry the floor. I was so grateful that only one box had gotten wet and our whole house now smelled super clean!

Kevin rearranged the hose to where it now runs down onto the kitchen floor where it drains. So long as the kids don't mess with the hose, it works pretty well. We've had the floor washed only once more with detergent water since the first occasion, so things are looking good. Praise the Lord for tile floors!

Another aspect of the Paraguayan culture that is truly a blessing is the value of a slow-paced life. This is something I know I have struggled with growing up in the busyness of American life. I love to fill my calendar, check off items on my task list, and move through life in a "productive" way! However, their values of relationship and rest present a great learning opportunity for me. 

The whole society practices "siesta" and therefore everything shuts down from noon to two. It is such a blessing to have an excuse to relax and not go anywhere. Paraguayans work hard, but they know when to rest. Throughout the day they stop to relax and enjoy drinking tereré. It is a great time for visiting with friends and family as well as meeting someone new.

We are definitely enjoying and adapting to this slower pace of life. It provides such an opportunity for building relationships. Walking down the street every afternoon, we see people sitting outside almost every house. Our sweet and outgoing two year old happily waves and greets them with "hola." To which they respond with a surprised smile and "hola" in return. 

As I continue to contemplate all these changes, some enjoyable and some not so much, I am grateful to the Lord for walking this road with me. My devotional Jesus Calling encouraged me recently when I read the following: "faltering steps of dependence are not lack of faith, they are links to My [the Lord's] presence." The Lord alone is my strength and through Him alone can I complete this task that he has given me. 

Transitioning and Lots of Learning

            As I think back over the past two months, time seemed to have stopped from the moment we set foot here in Paraguay. I’ve lost track of the days and weeks, and it doesn’t seem real that we’ve already been here for almost two months. On former short-term mission trips I was always overwhelmed with homesickness, longing to return to the comforts of the U.S. and the ones I love. However, this time, even though I miss home and all the joys that it brings, I have a strange sense of peace. I praise the Lord for his goodness, and I know that that peace comes from him alone as he reassures us of his guidance in the process.

            Tonight as I read Romans 12, I came across the verses about the church as members of one body. We are all so unique and God has called us to different roles and different places in life. As I thought about this, I realized that our team here in Paraguay is very much this way as well. Each one of our team members is very different, and yet we have all been given a task from the Lord in which we join together as a body and a family.

            After visiting many of our teammates homes, one friend referred to her home as her “humble abode.” As we talked she encouraged me to remember that not only does God call us to different ministries, he also calls us to different standards of living. Being able to come to a point of contentment in different homes is definitely a process. I was very blessed by her words as she continued to share about her own time here in Paraguay.

            Thinking back a bit farther, I remember our first night in Yuty. As we prepared for bed, Kevin and I were overwhelmed with culture shock. The bathrooms, bugs, dirt, spiders, and the realization of not going home was beginning to settle in. What had we done? The switching homes and beds so often also added to the stress. Little did we know that our time of living in transition and living out of a suitcase was only just beginning.

            That Monday morning we headed out to meet our host family and settle in for the next two weeks. A friendly woman and her daughter greeted us and welcomed us into their home. It was a surprise to all share one room, but we set up our space and said our goodbyes to the Camerons, the missionary family who was dropping us off. The following few days were some of our toughest since arriving in Paraguay. The kids had a lot of trouble sleeping, especially Lydia. We were exhausted and the days were spent sitting around and observing life in a Paraguayan home. Now it’s one thing to participate and learn about their culture on your own, it’s quite another task with three young ones who are eager to get into anything and everything new, including an open fire. Some of our kids’ daily enjoyment was found in chasing ducks and chicks everywhere, jumping over cow pies (instead of mud puddles), helping to grind and sift corn flour, feeding a calf from a bottle, and watching excitedly as Lise (our host daughter) herded in the animals.

We stayed with the mother and daughter who live alone because the father and son live and work in Buenos Aires, Argentina. They go for months at a time, only coming home for short periods of time around holidays. We have found that this is an extremely common arrangement, which reflects some interesting values. It seems that the men want good work and they want to provide well for the families, however, they do it at the expense of being with their family. Regina, our host mom, commented one night how much she enjoyed our being with her because she was not nearly so afraid when we were around.

Though we loved the relationships we were building with Regina and Lise, the days there seemed to creep by and the frustration built. Towards the end of our first week we were ready to be done. We talked with our mentors who encouraged us strongly to stick out our two weeks there, and we reluctantly agreed. The kids had had a rough adjustment and we felt they needed the stability and routine of getting our own home set up. However, we realized that this was a learning time for them as well. Through this whole process, we are praying that they would learn about Paraguayan culture, how to be flexible, and how to be creative and use their imaginations. It is a difficult age however, to expect so much in such a drastic transition. Each of our children is expressing their frustration in different ways.

Micah spent a few nights literally weeping for his family, friends, and home in Minnesota. It broke my heart when I had to help him realize that this was our new home and we were not going back. Alicia seems to be expressing her frustration by yelling about everything! The lack of schedule and simply the fact that she is two also complicate things, as she is tired most of the time due to skipped or short naps. Lydia just decided to cling to her mother for dear life during the entire month of February and much of March. I love her to pieces but this drains my energy so quickly. Just in the last couple weeks, she seems to be doing a little better, for which I am very grateful.

Because we arrived at our host family’s home during harvest, our second day there was spent husking corn. This made us feel right at home. We were not quite used to the process that followed, however. The corn was set out to dry, then cut off the husk, put through a grinder, sifted and sold in large bags of corn flour. It was lots of work but very interesting to be a part of. And of course there were terere (tea) breaks throughout the day.

As we worked alongside them, we also began learning a few phrases in Guarani. We have a difficult task ahead of us to learn the language, but we are excited about the opportunity to study in one of the most beautiful parts of Paraguay. We also began learning more about their cultural beliefs, with each day bringing new learning experiences. One morning an older woman put some leaves on the daughter’s eye. When we asked what that was about, she explained that the leaves would heal whatever was bothering her. Another interesting tidbit we received was that we were to stay away from the large toads, as they will pee in your eye if you get to close. The only remedy for that is breastmilk, funny enough.

Lydia cried an awful lot during our time there. This too brought many lessons. Crying babies can mean only one thing. She’s starving. Every time she cried our host mom told me I must nurse her, even if I had just finished. Nursing, by the way is no private thing. If you cover yourself with blanket, you will be questioned. Why would you want to smoother your baby like that? Regina also felt the need to stick food into Lydia's mouth whenever she could, including cheese puffs and hot chocolate. As we’ve come to discover, candy and treats are the solution for disobedient children. Hmm. I don’t think I can agree with that one. But the more we talked, the more I understood that Regina only responded this way out of love for our kids. She felt terrible that Lydia was crying and wanted to help. I too, struggled with her tears, but as her mother, I knew what she really needed was for me to hold her and love her as she adjusted to this strange place.   

After a break with our mentors for the weekend, we headed back out to our Paraguayan home, doubtful of our decision to continue. However, our second week went pretty well. It was tiring but we did continue to learn a lot about the culture. There wasn’t as much going on because no more corn was brought in. But I utilized the time to get some recipes and observe how Regina cooked. Kevin also went through a picture dictionary with Lise to get more correct Spanish vocabulary. On Thursday we came into town again, did some shopping, and then enjoyed a delicious pizza at Regina’s niece’s restaurant. Alicia and Micah were delighted to have something familiar. 

That brings me to another big difference in the Paraguayan culture that is especially hard for us to adjust to. Paraguayans eat their main meal of the day at lunch time. Then they have a siesta, so from about noon to 2 every day most things shut down. Around the time that we would normally have dinner, they have terere and maybe a light snack. Dinner is not served until 8:00 pm or later. This was quite tricky for us as our kids were hungry and tired much earlier. But we adjusted by doing baths and bedtime routine before dinner. 

As we later found out in Asuncion, this not only applies in the homes, but also in restaurants. Kevin and I had the opportunity to go out for a date, but no restaurant opened for dinner until at least 7:30. That sure complicates life when you have to be home to put the kids to bed around 8:30.

As we came to the end of our time with Regina and her daughter, Lise, we were grateful for the time we had spent with them. The Lord knew how much we could handle, and he gave us the strength when we were weak. We are so blessed to have built these relationships with Paraguayans and though it was a trying task, we were grateful for the opportunity. Praise the Lord that He knows what we need, exactly when we need it, and he will give us strength when it the task at hand seems too difficult to bear.